As I have pursued what I feel is God's calling for the Women's Ministry at church I have been subject to many challenges.
From disappointment when events I've poured myself into fail, or don't meet expectation, to feeling like reaching the women in our congregation is nearly impossible, doubting my own leadership skills and visions for our church ministry. Questioning decisions because "Is this what God wants? or is this something I want? what are my motives?"
After making efforts to find out what the women are looking for, and their availability, then establishing a night for a bible study. taking the leap to set it in motion. committing to a night, time and study, to have little to no response form the women...I am overwhelmed with discouragement. I m guaranteed to have some sort of battle happen all day on the day of any event...yes even bible study nights...every week... The kids act up, we're all emotional for no reason at all, patience doesn't exist in anyone's heart and peace is nowhere near our hearts and home. Adam and I argue over something silly minutes before I walk out the door. Dinner runs late, there's no gas in the car...
If it is not that, it is an unexpected "event" on the way to or from study. I make the wrong turn on my way to pick someone up and end up with 3 mile detour...one week I found myself calling 911 for a man I nearly ran over in the gas station parking lot because he'd been shot and needed help so he walked in front of my car to get my attention...
My computer that holds ALL of my women's ministry work...crashed. Hard drive is fried and all of my work, studies I have invested time and money into, contact lists, surveys...everything. gone.
There are days when I get a glimpse of the budding fruit from these efforts. Seeing God working in tiny ways be it through a conversation, a change of heart, or a breakthrough from a struggle. An encouraging email or phone call saying "you're doing great! I am seeing the difference...don't stop!"
I have no doubt that this is what I should be doing. The battles I face weekly are proof of that. If I wasn't doing Gods work, I wouldn't be having all of these adventures and facing all of these challenges.
I am ready this week for the fight. I am ready to not allow Satan to have a strong hold. Because I am ready, I am going to have to fight harder, because he will try harder to break me.
Even as I type this...my boys are fighting. Peace in my home. Lord give me peace in my home, in my heart, in their hearts.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Veggie Tales vs Monty Python
I am a big fan of Veggie Tales! Having 4 other little ones around that share my enthusiasm for Veggie humor we were making references at the table when Adam and I began to see some of the parallels between Monty Python and Veggie Tales. Here are a few. I'm sure there are a lot more, but these stuck out the most.
VS
(VT) The French Peas being Fish Slappers in Jonah
VS
French Peas on the Wall of Jericho....
VS
(VT) Archie Asparagus interrupting Silly Songs "Stop being so Silly!"
VS
(MP) " Stop being so silly and Get On With It"
(VT) The French Peas being Fish Slappers in Jonah
VS
(MP) Fish Slapping skit
French Peas on the Wall of Jericho....
VS
(MP) French Guard in The Holy Grail
This cracked me up a little bit. I like to see where some of the creators of VT might have used scenes as inspirations to add some humor and twists to their versions of bible stories.
I know I'm not the first to see this parallel. Actually I'm about a decade late, but it is funny not to share.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Boys At Dinner
I know I am not the only one in the world with boys, so I know that adventures at dinnertime isn't "new". But here's how dinnertime went tonight.
We were eating our family favorite of Fishsticks and Tator Tots (hey, only the best for my kiddos!). This rare delicacy was served with ice cold water. As I sit there across the table from my sweet faced little men, I watch as Titus tries to stuff a tot in his mouth, that is already full of his bright red shirt, while dipping his hand in his water...I just sigh and look down...maybe if I look down at my plate I won't discover if he's fishing for ice or dipping something in his cup. meanwhile, Max is gulping down water with an ornory look in his eye. Abby happily chats and munches away next to me while the light conversation continues. Then I hear it start. Someone learned how to belch. I look over to see this wide eyed-"did you hear that" look on Max's face as he's finishing this belch. It reminded me of that scene in ELF when Will Farrell drinks the 2 liter bottle of coke and then has this epic burp...well maybe not that bad, but the facial expressions were pretty close.
"Max, please don't burp on purpose at the table. It's rude"
"Okay, Mommaaa-aaauuuuurrrrp! ssskeewz me!" He grins his big undeniably cute face at me and burps again. "skewzme"
I glance over at Titus again and he's now stuffing all of his tots and fish in his shirt, like a pocket, completely in his own world. Then picks up his own cup of water and tries to immitate Max's burp. I see it in my near future. We will be having contests for sure. Belching, farting, see how many tots you can shove in your mouth at once, who can make their plate look the most disgusting...and then eat it.
I look at Adam...He just grins at me and says "well they are boys..."
Boys indeed.
We were eating our family favorite of Fishsticks and Tator Tots (hey, only the best for my kiddos!). This rare delicacy was served with ice cold water. As I sit there across the table from my sweet faced little men, I watch as Titus tries to stuff a tot in his mouth, that is already full of his bright red shirt, while dipping his hand in his water...I just sigh and look down...maybe if I look down at my plate I won't discover if he's fishing for ice or dipping something in his cup. meanwhile, Max is gulping down water with an ornory look in his eye. Abby happily chats and munches away next to me while the light conversation continues. Then I hear it start. Someone learned how to belch. I look over to see this wide eyed-"did you hear that" look on Max's face as he's finishing this belch. It reminded me of that scene in ELF when Will Farrell drinks the 2 liter bottle of coke and then has this epic burp...well maybe not that bad, but the facial expressions were pretty close.
"Max, please don't burp on purpose at the table. It's rude"
"Okay, Mommaaa-aaauuuuurrrrp! ssskeewz me!" He grins his big undeniably cute face at me and burps again. "skewzme"
I glance over at Titus again and he's now stuffing all of his tots and fish in his shirt, like a pocket, completely in his own world. Then picks up his own cup of water and tries to immitate Max's burp. I see it in my near future. We will be having contests for sure. Belching, farting, see how many tots you can shove in your mouth at once, who can make their plate look the most disgusting...and then eat it.
I look at Adam...He just grins at me and says "well they are boys..."
Boys indeed.
I Hate Chores
I am one of those people that go from one extreme to the other. I can be either incredibly anal and organized and MUST have it a certain way and will freak out if anyone disrupts the flow and organization of...well everything (my diaper bag and purse, and the cabinet of kids dishes and the bookcases are main ones that I do hold onto. tightly), or I have let it go and am on the verge of a Hoarders episode (unfolded laundry, junk drawers, and *gulp* toys).
Obviously having 4 small children disrupts...well...all of that, so I try to loosen up a little bit and just not worry about it so much...and find myself on the "other end" of the spectrum. Maybe it is that I am busy with the littles that I don't have time to be anal about everything, or it is that I have an honest struggle with laziness. I hear it all the time "you have four kids!" "you are a busy mom", "don't feel like you have to worry so much about your house" and that just feeds the laziness, and I find myself not doing anything, even the basic upkeep of the house, vacuuming, dishes, laundry, then it all piles up and I about lose my mind feeling overwhelmed with "this damn pigsty we live in" ! I have struggled with this for years now. It's enough to send anyone crazy or into a downward spiral.
Well, here I am. Tired of starting an organizational project, to get half way through (with the help of small masters of distraction and destruction) and then being left with more of a mess than I anticipated in the first place and feeling totally buried with no hope of escape.
And oddly enough, no matter how hard I try to "blink it away" like Jeanie or escape it all together by "getting busy" and leaving the house, every time I open my eyes or come home, it is still there waiting for me to put it away and clean it up.
Now you might be reading this and thinking "dang, Bec, just ask for help". My response to that is, if you have kids, I'm not going to ask. The last thing I need is to double the kid count against me while I'm trying to accomplish a task. If you do not have kids, I am assuming you are working. You can't be two places at once. And if you fit somewhere in the middle, chances are I have asked and you just couldn't do it. See where I'm at here?
I do find great comfort in going into other peoples homes when they haven't had the time to clean...call me a weirdo, but it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this messy business of mom-hood. If I walk into a house that has small kids and it's totally clean and decluttered, I hear the lies whispering in my head that I am a failure at my own home. What are they doing? how do they do it? why can't I get off my own butt and do the same in my own home? FAIL!FAIL! FAIL!
I know that's a little extreme. I am also trying to find refuge in Gods word about this. What does the bible say? Of course I am immediately drawn to all of the Proverbs about Laziness, which makes me feel even worse about my struggle with wanting to curl up with my cup of coffee and computer or book (for two or three hours at a time) and avoid the house (and yes, at times, even the kids). and of course the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman. I'd love to meet her, and after slapping her for setting the bar so stinkin' high, I'd like to follow her and see how she does it! Maybe learn a thing or two. (I sense what my next bible study will be). This would be a great time in my life to have a mentor friend that could come and get me motivated and hold me accountable, SHOW me how to get a handle on my house and get into a great routine that would help me get organized. Maybe I will add that to my prayer list.
God send me someone that can help me stay accountable for the daily routine of a stay at home mom, that will teach me the discipline of staying organized and keeping up with a routine, even when it's disrupted. Lord, help me get over my struggle with laziness and to find joy in my daily housekeeping. Help me find contentment in the home I am in until you provide us with the opportunity to own our own home.
Children in Church
I don't know if this is something that happens in most churches, but it seems to be happening in ours and it hits a bit of a nerve.
Lets start with some minor but important facts...
Our church is made up of MOSTLY children. Most of the families have 3+ kids... there are a couple of families just starting out with only one or two kids, but for the most part we're a "go big or go home" kind of group when it comes to the size of our families.
What I love about our church is we all take care of each others kids...you really don't know who belongs to who until we're all getting into our cars/vans to go home...and even then sometimes their all mixed together! Lets just say we've made it a habit to double check our head count and call our kids names. Yes that's right, we've nearly pulled out of the church parking lot a time or two with the right number of kids, but not the "right" ones...or with too many or not enough kids...so yes. we do roll call before we leave. It's a good thing.
What has been happening though is there is a tone or a perceived "feeling" that our children belong across the street in their own classes and just aren't welcome in "big church".
Every fifth Sunday a month (these don't happen very often), we have a "family service" where there is no childcare or childrens church. As a parent, I have a mix of feelings about it. On one hand, I love them going to their own classes, because then I can focus and enjoy my own (uninterrupted) time with God. On the other hand, it's only a few Sundays out of the year and I feel it is so vital for my children to see Adam and I worshiping together and just worshiping together in general as a family is so important to us. It teaches the kids what it means to worship and how to have a relationship with God. It gives them an opportunity to see their parents living out what they talk about at home. I love this time together and actually do look forward to it.
Do these Family Services go cookie-cutter amazing every time? Absolutely not. Our last one was a bit of disaster to be honest. I don't know how it went down for other parents, but in our pew row we had tears over lollipops, tears from being embarrassed, sitting on the floor and crawling under the pews, children suddenly feeling independent and not wanting help with opening that crayon packet (when they clearly need the help) and even had one strip down naked. It was a "memorable experience".
Do I look back and see where we went so very wrong? Yes! I feel like as the parents of these crazy kids, it is our responsibility to keep the disruptions to and absolute minimum.
Here are a few things we need to kindly remind ourselves, both parents on non-parents alike:
For all of us:
1. Our children are part of the Body. Without them we are not complete! It's GOOD for us to unite as one complete body every once and a while.
2. Remember that story in Matthew (and Mark...and Luke), Jesus said "Let the children come to me..."
3. They are children. They are not going to sit perfectly still and be unnoticed.
4. They aren't used to our "grown up" service. I mean really? We don't even get a snack!
5. This doesn't happen every Sunday...or MONTH for that matter!
6. They are our future leaders.
That being said, here are some other reminders for the parents:
1. Sit together. That's the point of the family service.
2. NO kids should be in the front two rows. The last time there were so many disruptions from kids sitting in the front row without their parents. (Kids under the age of 10)
3. Be prepared. If you know little Joey will sit better with a cup of water/juice and some animal crackers. or a notebook and crayons. have that kind of thing ready for him.
4. If it's just too much. It's OKAY! Feel free to excuse yourself with the kiddo. quietly/quickly exiting for a moment to console an upset kid, or go potty is less distracting than letting them just sit there and get louder about it. and speaking of loud...they aren't as loud as you think they are.
5. Have some grace. The people without kids don't fully understand what you're going through trying to keep your young ones quiet. It's okay. They shouldn't. Just do your best.
And we can't leave out the Non-Parents:
1. Sit up front. It's less distracting. You can focus on the message and you won't have little ones turning around saying "HI" a million times during the service.
2. If you chose not to sit toward the front, sit in the middle. leave the isle seats for the families for possible quick get aways.
3.Have some grace. You don't fully understand what the parents go through to keep their young ones content.
4. A lot of thought and effort goes into the planning of the service. We try very hard to reach all generations without being too juvenile about activities and song selection. Be open, don't expect deep soul poking, theological discussions...but don't under estimate what God can do through the simpler message either.
5. Greet them with love. Make them feel welcome!
It's not easy preparing for a family service. On one had we don't want to cater to the kids and water down the message too much, but on the other hand we do want to try to include them as well. The flow will be a little different and there might be some "get up and move" activities happening..but a little change, a little different, is good for us.
We are raising the next generation of Christians...How do you want to see them turn out? Think about the children that have been dedicated to the church, our commitment to help influence and raise them in a positive Christ-like, loving environment. Are we living that out by making them not feel welcome?
Lets start with some minor but important facts...
Our church is made up of MOSTLY children. Most of the families have 3+ kids... there are a couple of families just starting out with only one or two kids, but for the most part we're a "go big or go home" kind of group when it comes to the size of our families.
What I love about our church is we all take care of each others kids...you really don't know who belongs to who until we're all getting into our cars/vans to go home...and even then sometimes their all mixed together! Lets just say we've made it a habit to double check our head count and call our kids names. Yes that's right, we've nearly pulled out of the church parking lot a time or two with the right number of kids, but not the "right" ones...or with too many or not enough kids...so yes. we do roll call before we leave. It's a good thing.
What has been happening though is there is a tone or a perceived "feeling" that our children belong across the street in their own classes and just aren't welcome in "big church".
Every fifth Sunday a month (these don't happen very often), we have a "family service" where there is no childcare or childrens church. As a parent, I have a mix of feelings about it. On one hand, I love them going to their own classes, because then I can focus and enjoy my own (uninterrupted) time with God. On the other hand, it's only a few Sundays out of the year and I feel it is so vital for my children to see Adam and I worshiping together and just worshiping together in general as a family is so important to us. It teaches the kids what it means to worship and how to have a relationship with God. It gives them an opportunity to see their parents living out what they talk about at home. I love this time together and actually do look forward to it.
Do these Family Services go cookie-cutter amazing every time? Absolutely not. Our last one was a bit of disaster to be honest. I don't know how it went down for other parents, but in our pew row we had tears over lollipops, tears from being embarrassed, sitting on the floor and crawling under the pews, children suddenly feeling independent and not wanting help with opening that crayon packet (when they clearly need the help) and even had one strip down naked. It was a "memorable experience".
Do I look back and see where we went so very wrong? Yes! I feel like as the parents of these crazy kids, it is our responsibility to keep the disruptions to and absolute minimum.
Here are a few things we need to kindly remind ourselves, both parents on non-parents alike:
For all of us:
1. Our children are part of the Body. Without them we are not complete! It's GOOD for us to unite as one complete body every once and a while.
2. Remember that story in Matthew (and Mark...and Luke), Jesus said "Let the children come to me..."
3. They are children. They are not going to sit perfectly still and be unnoticed.
4. They aren't used to our "grown up" service. I mean really? We don't even get a snack!
5. This doesn't happen every Sunday...or MONTH for that matter!
6. They are our future leaders.
That being said, here are some other reminders for the parents:
1. Sit together. That's the point of the family service.
2. NO kids should be in the front two rows. The last time there were so many disruptions from kids sitting in the front row without their parents. (Kids under the age of 10)
3. Be prepared. If you know little Joey will sit better with a cup of water/juice and some animal crackers. or a notebook and crayons. have that kind of thing ready for him.
4. If it's just too much. It's OKAY! Feel free to excuse yourself with the kiddo. quietly/quickly exiting for a moment to console an upset kid, or go potty is less distracting than letting them just sit there and get louder about it. and speaking of loud...they aren't as loud as you think they are.
5. Have some grace. The people without kids don't fully understand what you're going through trying to keep your young ones quiet. It's okay. They shouldn't. Just do your best.
And we can't leave out the Non-Parents:
1. Sit up front. It's less distracting. You can focus on the message and you won't have little ones turning around saying "HI" a million times during the service.
2. If you chose not to sit toward the front, sit in the middle. leave the isle seats for the families for possible quick get aways.
3.Have some grace. You don't fully understand what the parents go through to keep their young ones content.
4. A lot of thought and effort goes into the planning of the service. We try very hard to reach all generations without being too juvenile about activities and song selection. Be open, don't expect deep soul poking, theological discussions...but don't under estimate what God can do through the simpler message either.
5. Greet them with love. Make them feel welcome!
It's not easy preparing for a family service. On one had we don't want to cater to the kids and water down the message too much, but on the other hand we do want to try to include them as well. The flow will be a little different and there might be some "get up and move" activities happening..but a little change, a little different, is good for us.
We are raising the next generation of Christians...How do you want to see them turn out? Think about the children that have been dedicated to the church, our commitment to help influence and raise them in a positive Christ-like, loving environment. Are we living that out by making them not feel welcome?
Monday, March 24, 2014
Introducing EMILY "MILLIE" ANN MORELAND!!!! (six months late)
I was just going to put up a picture and say "here she is!" but....Her story is so much better than that and deserves the be heard.
I'll start with the pregnancy: (I'll try to keep it brief)
Millie is our miracle baby. At six weeks, I started bleeding. Heavily. We made the appointments with the doctor to be sure of what was happening. Our hearts were broken. The doctor ordered some blood work to check my hormone levels just so that I would have the closure of what we assumed was a miscarriage. After a few days and the second blood test (to see if the levels went up or down) I get a call from a very excited doctor..."They went UP! How soon can you get a sonogram?" We rushed to the ER to find out what was going on, and discovered two things. 1. We were indeed pregnant. The little peanut size baby in my belly had a perfect little heartbeat! and 2. I had a subchorionic blood clot the size of a tennis ball that was causing the bleeding.
Long story short, I was in and out of the doctors with sonograms every three to four weeks monitoring the clot as well as baby's growth. It went away at week 12, and we rejoiced thinking it was finally "over" and we could move on with our pregnancy...then I developed another one at week 15. same size, same place...but the amount of bleeding resulted in a 24 hour stay in the hospital for monitoring, and modified bed rest for the foreseeable future. At week 21's sonogram we got the all clear. The baby (girl we found out) was growing well, the clots were gone, but they found a uterine band or "weird thing" as they put it. I was back to "just take it easy" status until week 30 where we saw that she as big enough to have closed the band gap, pushed away any chance of clots and was still growing and healthy. So the rest of my pregnancy could be treated as a normal healthy pregnancy. And it was for the remainder of the pregnancy that we all were healthy and as "normal" as you can be during your last 10 weeks of the pregnancy.
Her due date came and went and our stress levels were high in anticipating our little girls arrival. We had everyone on call, the doctors, the babysitters, back up babysitters, even the fire department just in case we had another birth like Titus'. When I was over due by a couple of days, I confided in my doctor about how stressed out we were. Adam had been working super late hours to cover his time for when we had her so he could have a week off...but not knowing when she would arrive, he just kept the crazy schedule. We finally decided that an induction might be a good idea, so we scheduled it for the following Monday. The Saturday before our induction, I felt a lot of contractions that were getting stronger and crazier and thought "THIS IS IT!" we called in the troops. It was late at night, so we called our neighbor to come hang out until our sitters could get the kids. We hurried to the hospital with this great anticipation only to be sent home after a couple of hours. I was in fact contracting, but it wasn't progressive. I explained to the nurses about my labor/delivery history being super fast and they kind of smiled and nodded and sent me home anyway. "We'll hopefully see you in the next day or so"
We went home feeling defeated and bummed out that we haddn't had the baby. Our cousins had the kids, and agreed to just keeping them Sunday so we could have the day to focus on possibly having a baby and not stress over where the kids were and all of that. They were going to take them Sunay anyway with the induction being scheduled for early Monday morning anyway, so no harm in having them a little bit early.
Adam and I took advantage of our day and made it into a day date. We shopped for last minute "needs" for the baby, we went to a nice restaurant (and scared everyone with my 4 days past due belly) and just took it easy. We drove up to Sykesville to see the kiddos for dinner and put them to bed. During our visit I sat on the couch and counted contractions. Every time the kids bumped into the couch while playing it felt like they were really slamming into it hard and jostling me was very uncomfortable. I ate standing up swaying because it was just more comfortable that way (I didn't realize I was in early labor at this point). After we got the kids down I told Adam that I wanted to go home. I just felt better knowing we were closer to the hospital. We got home at about 10pm and went right to bed because we had a very early morning. Our induction was set for 6am. As soon as I laid down the contractions really kicked in. I remember laying there timing them and praying "God if this is it, I really need to know. Make it clear when it is time to go to the hospital" the next contraction took my breath away. It hurt so bad that I opened my mouth to say "OWW!" but nothing came out...After it started coming down and passing I grabbed Adam and said "Babe we gotta go! That was a doozy!" Adam sat straight up. It kind of reminded me of the old movies when the vampire sits straight up out of the coffin.... it was kind of funny. He had me whisked away to the hospital before I really knew what was going on. On a side note: As we went through the traffic light by our house (that leads to the Fire Station) we realized "our crew" was on duty that night. For about a second (between contractions) I thought "lets go say hi and let them know we're on our way!" but that only lasted a second. :)
We got to the hospital. again. and wouldn't you know it, had the same nurses and staff from the night before. Naturally, they remembered us, and you could see on their faces that we were "that couple". You know the ones...the frequent fliers that come in for every discomfort...yeah. The difference this time was that I could barely sign my name for the check in papers.
They got us into a room and while I was changing into my gown I was telling the nurse (we'll call her Karen) about Titus' birth and that this one might likely be very fast.
She nodded along (not believing me) and got me settled into the bed. I talked about having an epidurral as my pain was pretty severe and I just wanted to "enjoy this experience" without the incoveniance of pain (HA!). Karen put my request in the system and proceeded to give me an IV and take a blood sample. They have to do that before they do the epi. and check my dialation. I was at 6cm
anyway, In the time it took her to do that I contracted like mad and asked her to check me again (it's been 5 minutes after all) she did as she was checking she was saying "it's only been 5 minutes, I really don't think there will be much cha....oh look at that...you're 8! wow!"
She called in another nurse...We'll call her Kim...I don't remember their names exactly except that they both started with "K". Kim came in and started prepping the baby area and chatting me up. This was the nurse from the night before so there was a lot of "I told you so" conversation going on between huffing and puffing and breathing and groaning.
I transitioned into "ready to push mode after another 10 minutes or so and told them "I really feel like I need to push"...Karen...little doubter that she is....skeptically checked me again and was like "wow! you're at 10! lets start pushing! Kim call the doc"
Kim's side of the conversation was amusing "Yes, we're ready to push...I know she just got here. It's happening pretty fast, you might want to hurry"
I start pushing and Dr. "Stringbean" walks in (seriously....this guys scrubs looked like they were wrapped around his tiny body a couple of times before he tied them off) walks in while I'm pushing, "has her water broken yet?" "not yet" "okay. I'm going to check on another patient real quick, I will be right back"
After he walked out, I was pushing pretty hard, and after a few good pushes, pooping on the table a couple of times (yes I did it. we all do. and yes I was apologizing profusely for it...cracking the nurses up because I was more concerned about that than I was about the baby coming out of me....whatever)It was finally time to really get her out. I was done waiting. Karen was messing with the monitors on my stomach during contractions which hurt, a lot. trying to get a good read of baby's heart rate during a contraction..."making sure it's not dropping. If it's dropping..." KAREN! I SWEAR IF YOU TOUCH THAT THING AGAIN WHILE I'M CONTRACTING YOU'RE GONNA GET PUNCHED!....I'm sorry. That wasn't nice. It just hurts...."
I decided enough messing around, lets get this baby out! First push had her head out, second shot the rest of her out...yes shot. I even heard Kim yelling "Whoa! Karen! Karen! Catch!"
the doctor walked back in as they were putting her on my chest...he just stood there like "well that was fast!" I opened my eyes to this TINY little baby on my chest giving us a good pouty cry. She was perfect. She had a perfectly round head, she was super little, and just soo beautiful! I asked "She's a girl right?" I heard some chuckles and "yes. she's a girl and she's peeing on you"
I totally didn't care. after all the dramatic moments throughout this pregnancy, all the stress at the end of when she'd come and if she'd be fast like Titus, and whether or not I'd make it to the hospital...I just didn't care if she peed on me.. she was here. she was healthy, she was beautiful and I didn't have to worry about anything else.
Now she's a six month old rollie pollie bundle of love. We love her so much and she's just been an awesome addition to our family. :)
I'll start with the pregnancy: (I'll try to keep it brief)
Millie is our miracle baby. At six weeks, I started bleeding. Heavily. We made the appointments with the doctor to be sure of what was happening. Our hearts were broken. The doctor ordered some blood work to check my hormone levels just so that I would have the closure of what we assumed was a miscarriage. After a few days and the second blood test (to see if the levels went up or down) I get a call from a very excited doctor..."They went UP! How soon can you get a sonogram?" We rushed to the ER to find out what was going on, and discovered two things. 1. We were indeed pregnant. The little peanut size baby in my belly had a perfect little heartbeat! and 2. I had a subchorionic blood clot the size of a tennis ball that was causing the bleeding.
Long story short, I was in and out of the doctors with sonograms every three to four weeks monitoring the clot as well as baby's growth. It went away at week 12, and we rejoiced thinking it was finally "over" and we could move on with our pregnancy...then I developed another one at week 15. same size, same place...but the amount of bleeding resulted in a 24 hour stay in the hospital for monitoring, and modified bed rest for the foreseeable future. At week 21's sonogram we got the all clear. The baby (girl we found out) was growing well, the clots were gone, but they found a uterine band or "weird thing" as they put it. I was back to "just take it easy" status until week 30 where we saw that she as big enough to have closed the band gap, pushed away any chance of clots and was still growing and healthy. So the rest of my pregnancy could be treated as a normal healthy pregnancy. And it was for the remainder of the pregnancy that we all were healthy and as "normal" as you can be during your last 10 weeks of the pregnancy.
Her due date came and went and our stress levels were high in anticipating our little girls arrival. We had everyone on call, the doctors, the babysitters, back up babysitters, even the fire department just in case we had another birth like Titus'. When I was over due by a couple of days, I confided in my doctor about how stressed out we were. Adam had been working super late hours to cover his time for when we had her so he could have a week off...but not knowing when she would arrive, he just kept the crazy schedule. We finally decided that an induction might be a good idea, so we scheduled it for the following Monday. The Saturday before our induction, I felt a lot of contractions that were getting stronger and crazier and thought "THIS IS IT!" we called in the troops. It was late at night, so we called our neighbor to come hang out until our sitters could get the kids. We hurried to the hospital with this great anticipation only to be sent home after a couple of hours. I was in fact contracting, but it wasn't progressive. I explained to the nurses about my labor/delivery history being super fast and they kind of smiled and nodded and sent me home anyway. "We'll hopefully see you in the next day or so"
We went home feeling defeated and bummed out that we haddn't had the baby. Our cousins had the kids, and agreed to just keeping them Sunday so we could have the day to focus on possibly having a baby and not stress over where the kids were and all of that. They were going to take them Sunay anyway with the induction being scheduled for early Monday morning anyway, so no harm in having them a little bit early.
Adam and I took advantage of our day and made it into a day date. We shopped for last minute "needs" for the baby, we went to a nice restaurant (and scared everyone with my 4 days past due belly) and just took it easy. We drove up to Sykesville to see the kiddos for dinner and put them to bed. During our visit I sat on the couch and counted contractions. Every time the kids bumped into the couch while playing it felt like they were really slamming into it hard and jostling me was very uncomfortable. I ate standing up swaying because it was just more comfortable that way (I didn't realize I was in early labor at this point). After we got the kids down I told Adam that I wanted to go home. I just felt better knowing we were closer to the hospital. We got home at about 10pm and went right to bed because we had a very early morning. Our induction was set for 6am. As soon as I laid down the contractions really kicked in. I remember laying there timing them and praying "God if this is it, I really need to know. Make it clear when it is time to go to the hospital" the next contraction took my breath away. It hurt so bad that I opened my mouth to say "OWW!" but nothing came out...After it started coming down and passing I grabbed Adam and said "Babe we gotta go! That was a doozy!" Adam sat straight up. It kind of reminded me of the old movies when the vampire sits straight up out of the coffin.... it was kind of funny. He had me whisked away to the hospital before I really knew what was going on. On a side note: As we went through the traffic light by our house (that leads to the Fire Station) we realized "our crew" was on duty that night. For about a second (between contractions) I thought "lets go say hi and let them know we're on our way!" but that only lasted a second. :)
We got to the hospital. again. and wouldn't you know it, had the same nurses and staff from the night before. Naturally, they remembered us, and you could see on their faces that we were "that couple". You know the ones...the frequent fliers that come in for every discomfort...yeah. The difference this time was that I could barely sign my name for the check in papers.
They got us into a room and while I was changing into my gown I was telling the nurse (we'll call her Karen) about Titus' birth and that this one might likely be very fast.
She nodded along (not believing me) and got me settled into the bed. I talked about having an epidurral as my pain was pretty severe and I just wanted to "enjoy this experience" without the incoveniance of pain (HA!). Karen put my request in the system and proceeded to give me an IV and take a blood sample. They have to do that before they do the epi. and check my dialation. I was at 6cm
anyway, In the time it took her to do that I contracted like mad and asked her to check me again (it's been 5 minutes after all) she did as she was checking she was saying "it's only been 5 minutes, I really don't think there will be much cha....oh look at that...you're 8! wow!"
She called in another nurse...We'll call her Kim...I don't remember their names exactly except that they both started with "K". Kim came in and started prepping the baby area and chatting me up. This was the nurse from the night before so there was a lot of "I told you so" conversation going on between huffing and puffing and breathing and groaning.
I transitioned into "ready to push mode after another 10 minutes or so and told them "I really feel like I need to push"...Karen...little doubter that she is....skeptically checked me again and was like "wow! you're at 10! lets start pushing! Kim call the doc"
Kim's side of the conversation was amusing "Yes, we're ready to push...I know she just got here. It's happening pretty fast, you might want to hurry"
I start pushing and Dr. "Stringbean" walks in (seriously....this guys scrubs looked like they were wrapped around his tiny body a couple of times before he tied them off) walks in while I'm pushing, "has her water broken yet?" "not yet" "okay. I'm going to check on another patient real quick, I will be right back"
After he walked out, I was pushing pretty hard, and after a few good pushes, pooping on the table a couple of times (yes I did it. we all do. and yes I was apologizing profusely for it...cracking the nurses up because I was more concerned about that than I was about the baby coming out of me....whatever)It was finally time to really get her out. I was done waiting. Karen was messing with the monitors on my stomach during contractions which hurt, a lot. trying to get a good read of baby's heart rate during a contraction..."making sure it's not dropping. If it's dropping..." KAREN! I SWEAR IF YOU TOUCH THAT THING AGAIN WHILE I'M CONTRACTING YOU'RE GONNA GET PUNCHED!....I'm sorry. That wasn't nice. It just hurts...."
I decided enough messing around, lets get this baby out! First push had her head out, second shot the rest of her out...yes shot. I even heard Kim yelling "Whoa! Karen! Karen! Catch!"
the doctor walked back in as they were putting her on my chest...he just stood there like "well that was fast!" I opened my eyes to this TINY little baby on my chest giving us a good pouty cry. She was perfect. She had a perfectly round head, she was super little, and just soo beautiful! I asked "She's a girl right?" I heard some chuckles and "yes. she's a girl and she's peeing on you"
I totally didn't care. after all the dramatic moments throughout this pregnancy, all the stress at the end of when she'd come and if she'd be fast like Titus, and whether or not I'd make it to the hospital...I just didn't care if she peed on me.. she was here. she was healthy, she was beautiful and I didn't have to worry about anything else.
Now she's a six month old rollie pollie bundle of love. We love her so much and she's just been an awesome addition to our family. :)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Feeling "Normal" and Other Thoughts About Having Babies
Being in the third trimester of my fourth pregnancy...(wow that still sounds insane, even as I type this!) I can't help but think of some of the ladies I have met and gotten to know in the "pregnancy world"'(because you know we are all in it "together". we see another bulging basket ball shaped belly and instantly a special little bond happens and whether it's your first or your fourth, you have a special understanding of each other and the conversational options are endless.) There are a lot of first time mommies right now that are feeling nervous and anxious and quite frankly have a lot of questions they just aren't asking. To those ladies, I hope these thoughts (mainly about labor and delivery and nursing) help. They are my own experiences as well as my own fears (yes even 4th time around I have them) just so you know you are not alone in this. I hope this helps. (of course, you might get half way through it and come out feeling even more anxious than before...but I sincerely hope it helps).
Labor and
Delivery is scary, even for the fourth time! There is always this element of the "unknown"...there is not set time or date for going into labor and what it's going to feel like is different for everyone in every pregnancy! I do encourage you though
to educate yourself. It is important to know what to expect, as much as you can anyway, and what your
options are, and (in a general sense) how you would ultimately like to
have baby.
Max's birth, I was much more educated, I had a
doula (which I highly recommend) and while the physical process was
identical to Abby's birth (water breaking and despite our best efforts
to start labor naturally, my body still didn't cooperate) I had another
pitocin birth. having gone through that before, I was a little more
relaxed going in to it, because I knew more of what to expect. again,
my goal was no epi. but that's when I learned about what everyone meant
about pitocin births being more painful...as well as that no matter what you plan ahead of time, it may just not go the way your hope and dream it will. Having the doula was amazing.
They are educated coaches that are able to help you make the decisions
you need, focus, and encouraging you to stick with your birth "plan", and can also communicate to the nurses what you need.
If/when your labor "plan" changes for any reason, they are ready to help
you adjust and really, it just takes a lot of pressure off of both you
and hubby!
If I learned something from my third pregnancy, it's that the phrase "the third birth will throw you for a loop!" is incredibly TRUE! Believe it ladies!!! I didn't until I had Mr T. Titus' was thrilling because it was so
empowering! I felt EVERYTHING and was able to work through it. It was
amazing in a completely different way! Amazing and terrifying (just being honest here). I had these crazy fears coming up to the end of my pregnancy with him..."what if my water breaks in public?" "what if labor comes on fast and furious and I can't get to the hospital? what do I do with the other two kids?" All kinds of thoughts like that ran through my head. It was all "worst case scenario"...and wouldn't you know it, almost all of those fears came to life the morning I woke up in labor that hit me too fast to make it to the hospital and I ended up having my sweet boy on the living room floor assisted by the local fire department! Thank the Lord, Adam was there to help me. I fully believe that was a lesson from God in Philippians 4:6-7 " Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then
you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can
understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in
Christ Jesus." I faced a lot of my fears with that labor and delivery and learned that with God, all things are possible, and He gave me the strength and peace to get through that terrifying moment. Once I wrapped my head around the fact that a hospital birth was NOT an option with this kid, I focused, and had him out within a couple of minutes of pushing. It was amazing.
Now, with number 4, I'm feeling more like I did with Abby. Just get her out. safe. preferably at the hospital. :) I feel like anything could happen, and from what I've experienced with the first three, I am ready to take on whatever is thrown at me. I'm still educated, I still have the "ideal plan" in mind, but I also am prepared to throw that "ideal plan" out the window if I need to and do what comes naturally and have this baby! Some of my concerns now revolve more around my other kids than they do with the labor and delivery..."how do we handle child care with Abby being in school now and our sitters living in another town?" "who do we call when I go into labor (under whatever circumstance) to take the kids?" "how will my snuggle bug Titus handle having to share Mommy with a new born?" The list is almost endless. I am choosing however to "Philippians 4:6" it so God can carry some of those burdens and I can just focus on carrying a healthy baby girl.
As for Nursing, It was a challenge in the beginning, because neither of you really know what your doing, and that in itself is overwhelming. You're learning (together) how it all works, and it's a vital task. you are feeding your baby, this is your baby's life source! FOOOOD! again, being a little bit educated is key. If you have access to a friend or someone who is a lactation consultant, keep their number on speed dial. I know several ladies that are in that field that I can call any time. and do, even with baby number 4. Shoot, I call them and pick their brains when I'm NOT nursing, just any time a question comes up and curiosity hits me. Nursing is a fascinating thing and the more I can learn about it and understand it, the easier it is when I am in the midst of nursing adventures. Don't feel like you can't call, even if it is overwhelming, or you feel it is silly or embarrassing. I'm going to share a very personal thing with you now...but it's significant...so bare with me...I have a really big ugly mole on my breast, I was so concerned about someone seeing it, that I didn't ask for help with nursing Abby...as a result, I was left to do it on my own, and while looking back, I laugh at myself and the hysterics I went through learning what to do, (especially when my milk really came in, which ended in both of us half naked, soaked and crying...a hilarious tale for another time) I remember at the time how frustrated I was and can't help but think, had I just gotten over that stupid insecurity over a mole, I could have gotten some really good help from the nurses and lactation people at the hospital and possibly have skipped all those hysterical moments. I eventually figured it out and we did just fine, but the point is, don't let the little things keep you from asking. don't feel embarrassed, or uncomfortable. they are there to help, and frankly, they've seen and heard it all. :) If you do have trouble, there could be a reason. All of my kids are tongue tied...that can interfere with nursing! not getting them latched on correctly can effect it... it's tricky, but given some patience and effort, you'll be fine.
As for Nursing, It was a challenge in the beginning, because neither of you really know what your doing, and that in itself is overwhelming. You're learning (together) how it all works, and it's a vital task. you are feeding your baby, this is your baby's life source! FOOOOD! again, being a little bit educated is key. If you have access to a friend or someone who is a lactation consultant, keep their number on speed dial. I know several ladies that are in that field that I can call any time. and do, even with baby number 4. Shoot, I call them and pick their brains when I'm NOT nursing, just any time a question comes up and curiosity hits me. Nursing is a fascinating thing and the more I can learn about it and understand it, the easier it is when I am in the midst of nursing adventures. Don't feel like you can't call, even if it is overwhelming, or you feel it is silly or embarrassing. I'm going to share a very personal thing with you now...but it's significant...so bare with me...I have a really big ugly mole on my breast, I was so concerned about someone seeing it, that I didn't ask for help with nursing Abby...as a result, I was left to do it on my own, and while looking back, I laugh at myself and the hysterics I went through learning what to do, (especially when my milk really came in, which ended in both of us half naked, soaked and crying...a hilarious tale for another time) I remember at the time how frustrated I was and can't help but think, had I just gotten over that stupid insecurity over a mole, I could have gotten some really good help from the nurses and lactation people at the hospital and possibly have skipped all those hysterical moments. I eventually figured it out and we did just fine, but the point is, don't let the little things keep you from asking. don't feel embarrassed, or uncomfortable. they are there to help, and frankly, they've seen and heard it all. :) If you do have trouble, there could be a reason. All of my kids are tongue tied...that can interfere with nursing! not getting them latched on correctly can effect it... it's tricky, but given some patience and effort, you'll be fine.
While
it is true some women just can't do it, for whatever reason, there are a
lot of resources and things you can do to help make it happen, and it's
only when you ask about it or seek help, that you will find those
tricks and things to help.Having learned my lesson from the first baby, I made a point to really
ask lots of questions and seek help when I needed it with Max. You'd be
amazed at the resources the hospital has available to you. As a result,
we had a much better nursing experience too.
All of that being said, if it
doesn't work out, and you just don't feel like it's happening. that is
OKAY! I only nursed Abby for 3 months. I went back to work, and try as I
might, I couldn't keep up with her demands with a pump. My body just
doesn't respond to pumping, so we ended up switching to formula.
fortunately for the rest of the brood, I stopped working and was (am)
able to bf because I am with them 24-7. I do not regret any of it
either. we did what was best for all of us at the time. I am not one of
those women who boycott Nestle because they make formula. I think it is
amazing that we have come up with a good alternative solution to
feeding our babies. There are people in the world that just can't do it,
and if they can't, what are they left with?? Yes. Breast is best and my
first choice always, but if breast is not an option, thank God we have
people who work hard to make something that is the next best thing, and
have our babies health and well being at the top of their list!
(sorry...I'll get off my soapbox now)As for the million other parenting roads you could possibly go down, co-sleeping vs independent sleeping, helicopter parenting vs free range, attachment parenting vs baby wise... what I've learned in my very short experience of being a mom, is that the books are great, chatting with friends is awesome, and the best resource for opinions/perspective, but what you decide to do with your children, your parenting life-style is going to be unique to your own family. What works for your friends, or according to the experts in books, or according to your mother (or mother in law) may not fully work for you and your family. Don't feel guilty or question your instincts with making family decisions and Don't pass judgement on others family choices either...for the same reason. I have lots of mommy friends that I love and respect that do thing vastly different than we do in our family, and while I may not agree with their parenting choices, I respect their decisions because they are doing what is right for their family.
That's about it for my "wisdom". I hope it makes sense and above all, I hope your feel more at ease about this new adventurous chapter in your life.
until then, I am going to waddle my happy preggy self into the kitchen for something to munch on, because goodness knows these cravings have no end to them :)
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