just some thoughts

We are gathering supplies to make bags of goods for the homeless. I love this idea. Especially with the cold weather approaching, I can't imagine living in the conditions some people do. I love the idea of helping in any way I can. I may not be able to completely change their circumstances but if I can make it a little bit easier for someone for a day or two, I am happy to help.
As much as I like the idea of helping Baltimore, I am also a firm believer in helping out in my own back yard. I met a homeless couple a few months ago, and had a nice chat with them. I haven't really seen them since, but I do know they are locals, and have been for a quite a few years. I think of them often. Did they get the food they needed? Were they warm last night? I know I woke up freezing this morning because we hadn't turned the heat on last night. Imagine how cold they were!
I also think of a young man Adam and I met last year on the streets of Baltimore. We took the time to buy him a meal, chat with him about his situation, and pray with him. Again, we parted ways and never heard from him again. He was coming up on a court date. He didn't share specifics but did share that the outcome of that meeting would determine his next steps in life. I often think of how it went and where he possibly is now. Is he still on the streets? did he get the help he was needing?
I feel like these acts of kindness speak volumes to people in need. That someone stopped for just a moment in their busy lives and took time to acknowledge them, smile at them, help them just a little bit. It matters. A lot. But what if we took it a step further? What if our goal was not to just perform a random act of kindness to someone in need, but to follow up with them? What if we took the time to chat about where they are in life right now, what their needs are, and take a step to connect them with someone who can help or put what they need in those bags we are collecting for. Or invite them to church? How neat would it be to see the face of someone you helped on Wednesday night at church on Sunday getting a cup of coffee a plate of bagel chips and sitting in the warmth of Gods loving family hearing the good news and being loved right where they are in life?  No judgement. Just love.

What if by showing them Gods love through sharing our stuff (bags) and sharing our "home" (church) with them, they get help physically and spiritually and other doors of opportunity could be opened for bigger changes in their lives. Changes God has been working toward making.

THE BIG SHOE!

So while Millie Moo and I were adventuring in Colorado, we had the opportunity to get up entirely too early and drag our lazy not so morning person booties to a balloon festival.
There I was met with my first and only Dutch Brothers Coffee (Thank You Tyler, for looking out for my caffeinated needs). It was great if you're looking for a rapid sugar/caffeine buzzed high. Which is exactly what I needed for running my bronchitis-y, flat footed, sportless out of shape ass down that hill (twice) to get a shot of that balloon touching the water. Twice. Did I mention I was in the mountains with bronchitis? Yeah. Anyway:

This guy was NUTS! How do you fly without a basket?

and then DIP INTO THE FREEZING LAKE!?

Here you see the Sunshine balloon:

When I saw this I looked at my Uncle John who is irritatingly a morning person (yuck...morning people) and I told him "LOOK! THE SUN IS NOT UP YET! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING OUT OF BED!?"

Once the sun was "up" I gave him a big hug and said "GOOD MORNING!!"
It was funny, and probably irritated him, but that's okay, because that's what we do.

That was all fun and awesome, and honestly worth waking my sorry tired butt up for. It was a fantastic way to start our day.


Then, that night, when we went back for the glowing balloons, that is where the real memories happened.

Here they don't launch the balloons, they just count down and everyone fires off the balloons at once for an "All Glow" and it's a field of glowing balloons and It is BEAUTIFUL!


When we got to our spot to watch, we were down among the balloons and right next to a particular balloon. Millie was in the stroller and hadn't paid attention to where we were until the countdown for an all glow happened and the "KKSSSSHHHHHH" of the balloons firing off and the blast of heat hitting her face got her attention to where she looked up and saw a
GIANT...GLOWING....SHOE! which the wind caught a hold of and brought tilting right at us....

Needless to say the traumatized 2 year old  grabbed my face and with wide terrified eyes said in a controlled firm tone,

"WE GO HOME. RIGHT NOW....Mommy....HOME....HOME"

we stayed for a few more minutes then left for ice cream.  Every conversation after that went like this:

"What flavor ice cream do you have?"

"BIG SHOE. IT WAS HUGE. HUGE SHOE ALMOST GET ME. BIG. SHOE. IT WAS CREEPY."

"What color is your ice cream?"

"BIG SHOE!"

"How old are you Millie?"

"IT was HUGE! AND IT GET ME! THE BIG SHOE!"


For weeks. she still talks about the big balloon shoe. It sounds more now like a grand adventure she went on, not so much a terrified little kid that was traumatized for life...or at least for the night.

What better way to share this moment with Adam than revisit the big shoe...though it was not a balloon shoe, it was at a local farm and a slide, but when she saw it and immediately started with the "BIG SHOE" story, her little face was lit up in amazement that there was another one...and this one was PURPLE!

Going through adolescence and being a teenager has to be like being handed a transformer toy, without the instructions, and being told "okay, now transform this (vehicle) into it's robot form" and then walking away.

Some kids would get it a little easier than others. Some kids would struggle and get overwhelmed and confused.
"I know this thing is supposed to transform into a robot...but how do I get there?? what are the next moves? What is it going to look like?"

Isn't that true for transitioning from being a kid to being a teenager...soon to be grown up?
You know the end result is adult-hood but there really isn't instructions, your body, mind, emotions, hormones, everything is going caraaazay! and even the most "informed" kids can feel alone in this journey.
Of course there is the Bible. Life's instructions book. right? but for some people it's like handing them the instructions, but it feel like its all in a foreign language.  that's not very helpful. eventually their spiritual growth will help with the scriptures being clearer, but there is still that time when the bible stories we grow up with start to come to life and have deeper meaning and there's a transitional learning curve going on.

kids shouldn't have to go through that feeling like they are alone in this confusing time.

I hope like crazy that we will have the kinds of relationships with our kids that are open enough to discuss these things. That I'll be able to "translate" the "instruction book" when it gets confusing or unclear and that our kids will find us approachable and open to hearing anything they have concerns about.

just some food for thought after talking about helping the teens with identifying in Christ.

#BELONG

Adam and I will be celebrating 11 amazing years of marriage this year. This month actually.
When we were dating and just out of high school, it started to press on our hearts that some day we would be youth leaders. I think we both knew we had a little bit of growing up to do first, and then there was the matter of, you know, finding a church that had a need for leaders...and while we did serve as volunteer/leaders at our church for a little while, and loved every minute of that taste of ministry, we were moved across the country and didn't see an opportunity again.

Here we are. God moved us to a new neighborhood. We've been hear a year, we have found a church to call home and we are getting plugged in. At first I wasn't even thinking "youth group" when I was looking for a place to get plugged in. Honestly I was looking for a place to escape my chaos at home. A place to be quiet, and grow spiritually. I had been involved in the women's ministry at Fusion before and that was the logical place to start. When I found the "crocheting for Jesus" group I about died of nerdy excitement! combining my love for creating yarny things with a ministry!? And the other women were older, so I had this opportunity (expectation) of some spiritual mentoring. I had envisioned these quiet evenings where we ole' bitties sat around crocheting and talking about life, and God and it would be relaxing and quiet and peaceful, and quiet (did I mention quiet?) and I would get a BREAK! The fact that they (very unofficially, because it's a church group) called themselves the Happy Hookers was just icing on this little cake of yarn covered happiness.

What I didn't know...was that the call of the youth ministry down the hall during my quiet, relaxing night of crocheting would eventually steal my heart. I had such a hard time walking past the youth room to the Happy Hooker room (seriously...the name never gets old). In fact, the first night I went, I found myself in the youth room standing there, watching the kids and listening to them, and feeling such joy in just standing there. I probably looked like a crazy creepy person just standing there, bag of yarn and hooks in hand, silently staring..watching. (yes... that does scream creepy...especially since I was standing right in the middle of it all..rather than in a corner or off to the side) I didn't know at the time, what that meant for me, I honestly kind of shrugged it off, said "too bad it's the same night as crocheting.." and walked on to the other room where yarn, hooks and quiet awaited. (Just a side note...the "Happy Hookers" group was not what I'd expected, it was not quite what I'd hoped for).

It took me a couple of months...but at last, I finally couldn't fight the pull down that hall anymore. I don't know if the discontentment with the Happy Hookers was the Spirit's way of moving me along, but the tugs on the heartstrings couldn't be ignored any longer. Adam too, was beginning to feel them, so...we took the plunge.

Just a few weeks after initially introducing ourselves, partaking in a leaders meeting to "just see if it'll be something we want to do" and attending a few nights of youth saturated chaos...another leaders meeting (where I'm pretty sure they were testing us...the "horror" stories could have easily scared us away...instead it made us even more excited about being part of it) and last night I got my youth sweatshirt. I know to the other leaders, it may not have been that big of a deal. I had said "wow I love this shirt" and they happened to have an extra one they threw my way...but to me it's like I'm finally doing what has been on my heart. It took TEN YEARS to find a church to serve in like this and I know the timing is just right. I don't think I could have been a good leader during those years of child rearing....but now that that chapter is closing...this new chapter is opening and I cannot wait to see what God is going to do.

I finally #BELONG!

KEY WOMEN

AnneVoskamp wrote a marvelous blog post describing this idea of a movement among women in the church. This Idea about being Key Women.
She begins by describing a scene we can all relate to. A neighbor stops by unexpectedly.  All she can think of is the “Mount Rushed LaundryMore” , the unmade bed,  her unkempt style  of  “rooster tailed ,comckamamie hair” and the “rumpled t-shirt” she’s wearing.   a part of her life that is so not “Pintrest pretty” is being exposed  and it’s quite embarrassing and humbling.  Then it “hits her”
She writes:
I have no idea why all us neighbours and women down the street and across the table keep holding each other to a standard of perfection instead of letting us all be held by the arms of grace.
No idea why don’t we call a cease-fire to the constant women wars, stop the missile volley of judgement, subtle and not so subtle, that we hurl across the playgrounds and church foyers and back fences and front porches and screens at each other?
No idea why it’s taken me so long and why I keep forgetting:
Judging others is a blindfold that blinds us to our own grime and blinds us to the grace which others are as eligible and entitled to as we are.
If I have loved breathing in grace for me, how can I deny you the same oxygen?
Who of us isn’t a hypocrite in metamorphosis? Who of us is who he wants to be — yet?
Earth is our chrysalis. We all can get to fly away to glory, a loosening of slippery bindings. (It is in the space of aloneness that the caterpillar has space to grow wings. Never fear the aloneness — it’s a way you’re given a way to fly.) There are unlikely wings unfolding unseen everywhere.
We can’t notice in days what is happening in years — there can be this becoming someone different, someone remade. 
We need Key Women in our lives who emancipate us from crushing expectations. 
Key Women who unlock the courtrooms where we’re judged and assessed and weighed on these scales that feel like millstones around our necks, Key Women who believe that 
we can change,
 things can change, 
kids can change, 
minds can change, 
the world can change.
There could be this rising of Key Women who are soul abolitionists, who end the enslavement of women to the self-appointed judges, Key Women who unlock and unleash women to transform into their own unique calling and giftedness.
 Because — if you aren’t encouraging women to live out their particular calling, you may just be idolizing a particular idealized form of yourself.
There could be Key Women who turn to their sisters and unlock everything with their own anthem coming like a freedom song:
I won’t judge you for dishes in your sink and shoes over your floor and laundry on your couch.
I won’t judge you for choosing not to spend your one life weeding the garden or washing the windows or working on organizing the pantry.
I won’t judge you for 
the size of your waist,
 the flatness, bigness, cut or color of your hair,
 the hipness or the matronliness of your clothes,
 and I won’t judge whether you work at a stove, 
a screen, 
a store,
 a steering wheel,
 a sink
 or a stage.
I won’t judge you for where you are on your road, won’t belittle your offering, your creativity, your battle, your work.
The key to the future of our communities, our culture, the church is whether there are Key People — people who will not imprison with labels and boxes but will unlock with key words, with key acts of freeing.
There could be Key Women who link arms with their sisters and say we will be the few Key Women:Key Women release you by not judging your mothering, your cooking, your cleaning, your clothing, your kids.
Key Women liberate you from cages and boxes and echo chambers in your head.
Key Women free you to be your best you, your unbound you, your beautiful you.
We are not here to be perfect. We are here to be real – to let Christ be real in us.
Like there’s this movement of women who have a key to open up our doors and come in —- and let us go free.


This is my desire. I want to have these kinds of relationships, to be known as the kind of woman described here, to be part of this movement. Perhaps moving to this new area and being in the kind of neighborhood that is a little out of my comfort zone is the beginning of something. Like I was put here to make waves.

Wrestling God.

I wish I could say that wrestling with the decision of "shall I stay or shall I go" with our church started after we moved, but I'd be lying. The thoughts have been rolling around in my heart and brain and keeping me awake late night for nearly a year now or at least since the first time the elders announced that our church was at risk of closing it's doors. Nearly every leaders meeting after was about how to "save the church".  This wrestling match has gotten more intense since we've moved, but really, it feels like the worlds longest WWE Monday Night RAW Smack Down World Championship Belt match.
 I have not felt full peace about staying. I'm sure a lot of it has had to do with feeling burnt out as the women's ministry "leader". Maybe it was feeling like our church was lacking stability. Was the offering enough? Would we be open next month? I started feeling like we were all just sitting around waiting for someone to say "okay we're done". That sort of inconsistency was draining.  Or that we are now living an hour away and getting up and everyone fed dressed and out the door so early has proven itself far more difficult than we'd anticipated. I didn't want to leave just because I'm not a morning person. 
While I didn't feel great about staying, I felt totally worse about leaving. I knew God had me there in my "role" for a reason, and I wanted very much to obey Him. Not only that but these people are our family. We have been part of this family for 6 years now. We have been through so much, for better and for worse. Births, Death, Marriages, Divorces, Healing physically and spiritually....I truly feel like we've seen it all within our little community. I couldn't bear to leave that. Mainly for fear that we'd lose touch and probably see very little if any of our friends again. Life happens after all. I wasn't willing to let go. So I didn't. 
We remained white-knuckled tight to our church. Transitioning from a 15 minute commute to an hour commute every Sunday morning, and it sucked, but we persevered. There were some weekends this summer however that we didn't make it. It's summer time after all. We signed up for VBS (because what is summertime without a little church hopping and getting rid of your kids for a few hours every day for a whole week!). Naturally that included a visit to the church, you know, to make sure they weren't going to teach our kids to bite the heads off chickens while dancing in the isles with snakes or anything else weird. We also had "vacation-y" weekends and even a weekend where we chose to stay home and install a split-rail fence... by our selves...on what had to have been the hottest weekend of the year (that was a fun ride that left bruises all over my legs, sunburns everywhere else and sore muscles in places I forgot existed, but that's a whole different story).
We were, however, not committed to leaving.  I continued my restless nights of debating in my heart what God was leading us to do. We felt pulled toward our new community. God has been good to us with providing, not only a wonderful amazing neighborhood and school, but also friendly Christian neighbors, right next door, with kids our kids ages who seemed to connect at first meeting and spent the whole summer trading houses, running through sprinklers and dancing in the isles (in a good way) at VBS getting so excited about the Good News of Jesus, and having sleepovers. What a blessing! 
There was still a nagging tug at my heartstrings to stay connected to our church. We'd promised everyone we weren't going anywhere just because we moved. There are two other families in our church from our (new) area. If they could commute, we could. I was committed to ministry duties. Oh God  help me figure out what to do here! 

This last Sunday, while we were "staycationing" with Adam's parents, and missing church, they announced that at the end of September, Beacon Hill Church was closing it's doors. Forever. 
I didn't know until Wednesday when I received an e-mail from our pastor about it. I was a bit shocked, but at the same time, I knew it was coming. It was a matter of time, but I knew it was going to happen. My heart filled with emotions. 
Relief. I was relieved because now I don't have to wrestle with this decision about staying or going. God literally closed those doors for us. Relieved that I didn't have to try to decide what to do with the women's ministry this fall. I truly got burned out. I had nothing left to offer these women. There was Peace too. 
Sad. Sad that the answer for us was to shut the doors. I didn't pray for that, though we probably wouldn't have left otherwise. The burden of guilt over leaving was too heavy, we'd rather stay. 
Disappointed. I feel like God shut our doors, not because we didn't have money, or attendance...but simply because we were disobedient. We are called to be active in our communities. What kind of footprint did we leave? I honestly don't believe the community around our church will even notice we're gone. The church we were renting space from will notice. The members of Beacon Hill...obviously. But the surrounding community?? Probably not. We simply were not active. Tim did an amazing job discipling us, but when it came time to send us out, we simply disobeyed. The church became a "safe place" that we went to to see our friends and fellowship together. There was no outreach. There was no serving our community. Not as a church anyway. Just huddling up in our cozy little comfort zones and simply not listening to God calling us out. So...what should we expect to happen? How disappointed I am in myself for not listening to what God had been screaming in my heart. "GO! Be in your community! Do MY work! Connect with these people!" 
Looking back I see how much time I wasted wrestling in the night, praying over and over and over, and feeling so frustrated with our church and ready to just "be done" and "move on". I was so restless in my fight to stay idle. How stupid of me, and how frustrating for God.
I clearly see it now. God wants us here. In our own backyard. We have a challenge ahead of us in looking for a new church to call home. I have a good start though with the two churches we visited over the summer (no snakes or headless chickens!). I feel like we can visit them again without feeling like we are being disloyal to our Beacon Hill family. We can go with a different perspective, a different set of eyes. Open hearts.
I am excited about this next step. I can't wait to see where we are planted. Adam has a heart for youth ministry. I have a heart for women's ministry. Maybe it's something completely different! Or maybe God just wants us to be bench warmers, to get our hearts right, to get a clearer picture of what He has in mind for us and getting connected with HIM.  Either way, I am tapping out and ready to (really) listen and obey.  

Being a Woman of God - Doing Womanhood well

I recently was able to attend Beth Moore's "Living Proof" simulcast. Ok...more like 4 months ago...but that's still pretty recent, right?
It was such a great message, I keep finding myself revisiting the notes I took and soaking in the wisdom she shared. So I thought, Why not share it with you?
Her message was a 7 point message....what I'm going to do is share my notes and try my best to share her message with you, through my own words (so it may not actually be a 7 point message). Hopefully I will be able to communicate some of  these fine points almost as well as she did. Consider this my "disclaimer" that these ideas were not my own... I wish I had this kind of wisdom to share. Maybe some day I will reach a point in my spiritual maturity to share original thoughts that will motivate and touch other womens lives as Beth Moore has done.

At any rate...here we go:

Being a Woman of God- Doing Womanhood Well

We are one gathering of many women yearning for God to speak.

In Acts 16:6-15 we see this picture of Paul and Silas traveling through Galatia. The Holy Spirit had prevented them from stopping and talking to people...kind of like a "nope...not yet...keep going..." kind of thing. They knew they were traveling to spread the Gospel. Paul has a vision to go to Macedonia. Knowing it was God leading him to share the gospel there...he obeyed and they went...

Here we're going to pick up in vs 13...and we learn about the FIRST European convert: 


"On the Sabbath we went a little way outside the city to a riverbank, where we thought people would be meeting for prayer, and we sat down to speak with some women who had gathered there. 14 One of them was Lydia from Thyatira, a merchant of expensive purple cloth, who worshiped God. As she listened to us, the Lord opened her heart, and she accepted what Paul was saying. 15 She and her household were baptized, and she asked us to be her guests. “If you agree that I am a true believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my home.” And she urged us until we agreed."It's significant that the first convert was a woman, and that the Holy Spirit kept Paul from spreading the good news until they came to this gathering of Women. We are valued. 

I feel like we are meant to gather together. We, as women are supposed to come together and be women of God and seek Him out!


Jesus changes the story of EVERY woman he meets! 

In the New Testament, every kind of woman is represented at one point or another...rich, poor, healthy, ill, mother, daughter, married, single, widowed, prostitutes...every kind. 

In all their differences, they had 2 things in common.

1. they met Jesus
2. He changed them...they were never the same again.

This shows us that it is IMPOSSIBLE for me (and YOU) to not qualify to have an encounter with Christ.

Luke 1:45 (NIV)

" Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

Every time you step into Gods word..."Blessed is she who believes"

Acts 1:24 - "Then they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen."

Jesus is the "heart knower"
He knows our hearts... Everything I am feeling, what I'm going through...he already knows...he KNOWS me!

Isaiah 61:1

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
  because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,

We all  go through moments in our lives when we are just hurt, and are broken. It's okay to bound up those wounds and allow yourself to heal...but sometimes to heal your bound-hurt heart, you have remove the bandages, open up your heart to Him and trust Him-allow Him to heal you!

T. had to (unexpectedly) get a shot...as any traumatized three year old would, he put that band aid on and didn't take it off for a week...as a result, because he was so busy protecting his arm and holding onto that hurt, the band aid caused a rash and irritated the skin around the area he got the little prick for his shot. He needed to unbound that "wound" and let it breathe and be healed. Keeping it bound did him more harm.


Jesus Wants Women to Know WHO She IS and What She is NOT.

Our circumstances and hurts do not define us. Just because I am feeling defeated in a situation, doesn't mean I am defeated, or a failure. 
Hold on to the truth of who you are in Christ.

Sometimes a Woman Needs a Clean Sweep to Find What She's Missing.

Luke 15 (Parables of the lost sheep, lost coin, and prodigal son)

Think of something that means a lot to you that you have lost and would like back....
Your virginity? Dignigy? Wishing you were as carefree as you used to be?
Trade your virginity for purity - they are not the same thing. Be pure in heart and soul and faith. 
Trade your Care-free for Courage!
Your dignity is not something someone can take away! your dignity belongs to Christ! 

Or maybe you fall into this category: I'm missing something but I don't know what. With the noise and clutter in life, I can't tell what it is. 

There comes a time when you just have to sweep it away so God can get to you. Sweep and you shall find! 

A Woman's Joy is Not the Same Without Girl Friends to Share It.  Tas Philas! 

Lets look at the story of the Lost Coin (Luke 15: 8-10)
The woman called her GIRL FRIENDS to celebrate with her over her lost coin being found! (vs 9)
The greek words used in this verse for "friends" is Tas Philas...meaning "GIRL FRIENDS"

I lost the back of M.'s earring for the 3rd or  4th time. This time I'd noticed it while we were in her room and I'd just finished vacuuming. Fantastic. This particular earring back protects her head from being poked by the super sharp earring they'd pierced her ears with. I didn't have a replacement for it. I searched everywhere. I even dumped the dustbin from the vacuum to sift through the nastiness I'd just vacuumed up. It wasn't until the next day when (ironically) I was sweeping the floor in the living room getting ready to vacuum that I happened to find it right there among the cheerios and crayons! What are the odds of finding this little tiny earring back? You'd have to see my cluttered dusty floor to really get the picture of what a miracle it was! I jumped for joy! Literally Like a nutball, doing a little dance singing "Praise Jesus I found it!".  I almost called my best friend over it! almost. I wanted to share the joy in finding it! of course I didn't call her because I stopped myself thinking it was too silly to call her over such a simple thing. I missed out on that shared joy! I later told her about this and she still got excited and said "you totally should have called me! I would have danced with you!" 

The point in this is that we are wired...uniquely created!!... to share our joy with our sisters. We need our girlfriends!

In these current technology saturated days with social media, emails and texting, we have so many contacts and so few connections (comrades).  

We are not connecting the dots between our joy deficit  and our friend deficit. there is a direct correlation between joy and friends to share it with! 

Joy is Not complete unless it is shared! 

Philippians 2:2 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.

1 John 1:3-4  We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. 4 We write this to make our[a] joy complete.

2 John 1:12 12 I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete.

Posting our Joy on Facebook and Twitter is not the same as meeting with our friends face to face and sharing our joy. 

So why do we have a hard time doing this? Why do we not come together and share our joy and support each other? 

We are threatened by other women. we are allowing ourselves to fall into this pattern of competing against eachother, comparing ourselves to other women feeding our insecurities...
insecurity pokes a hole in your heart!
STOP COMPETING! STOP COMPARING! JUST STOP. IT. NOW!
hypersensitivity is poisoning our friendships! 
STOP IT!
Christ our savior is BIGGER than any of our insecurities! 

Proverbs 24:17
17 "Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
    when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice,"

We need to fight FOR one another. Together, not against each other. 

Philippians 1:27 -" 27 Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit,[a] striving together as one for the faith of the gospel"


Every Woman is Well Able to Share How Jesus is Changing Her Story

2 Timothy 3:16-17
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

While it is true that we can be saved through His word alone, it doesn't stop there.

For you to be equipped to be a Woman of God, you have to be in His Word and have a relationship with Him.

You are commissioned here and now. Don't wait for that specific moment to come to you to serve. serve now..wherever you are in life. Serve God Now! 
When you encounter Jesus, it doesn't matter who you are, what you've done, where you've been, what you're going through now or what you've gone through in the past. You are woman enough! You are woman enough to be touched by God, be used by God, to serve Him. 
Would you believe God for a miricle? For Him to reach down in you and grab your strongholds? 

Are you a woman of God? Can people see it? 

 RESPOND!
I am not here to just receive, I am here to respond to what He is calling me to do!

Look back Lydia in Acts...The Lord opened her heart to respond! There's a difference between hearing and responding...she responded!

Jeremiah 7:24-
24 But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward.

We can either pay attention - RESPOND- and move forward in our lives, or we can move backward!

What will you do with what God does today?

Fighting through Gods calling...

As I have pursued what I feel is God's calling for the Women's Ministry at church I have been subject to many challenges.
From disappointment when events I've poured myself into fail, or don't meet expectation, to feeling like reaching the women in our congregation is nearly impossible, doubting my own leadership skills and visions for our church ministry. Questioning decisions because "Is this what God wants? or is this something I want? what are my motives?"
After making efforts to find out what the women are looking for, and their availability, then establishing a night for a bible study. taking the leap to set it in motion. committing to a night, time and study, to have little to no response form the women...I am overwhelmed with discouragement. I m guaranteed to have some sort of battle happen all day on the day of any event...yes even bible study nights...every week... The kids act up, we're all emotional for no reason at all, patience doesn't exist in anyone's heart and peace is nowhere near our hearts and home.  Adam and I argue over something silly minutes before I walk out the door. Dinner runs late, there's no gas in the car...
If it is not that, it is an unexpected "event" on the way to or from study. I make the wrong turn on my way to pick someone up and end up with 3 mile detour...one week I found myself calling 911 for a man I nearly ran over in the gas station parking lot because he'd been shot and needed help so he walked in front of my car to get my attention...
My computer that holds ALL of my women's ministry work...crashed. Hard drive is fried and all of my work, studies I have invested time and money into, contact lists, surveys...everything. gone.
There are days when I get a glimpse of the budding fruit from these efforts. Seeing God working in tiny ways be it through a conversation, a change of heart, or a breakthrough from a struggle. An encouraging email or phone call saying "you're doing great! I am seeing the difference...don't stop!"
I have no doubt that this is what I should be doing. The battles I face weekly are proof of that. If I wasn't doing Gods work, I wouldn't be having all of these adventures and facing all of these challenges.
I am ready this week for the fight. I am ready to not allow Satan to have a strong hold. Because I am ready, I am going to have to fight harder, because he will try harder to break me.

Even as I type this...my boys are fighting. Peace in my home. Lord give me peace in my home, in my heart, in their hearts.

Veggie Tales vs Monty Python

I am a big fan of Veggie Tales! Having 4 other little ones around that share my enthusiasm for Veggie humor we were making references at the table when Adam and I began to see some of the parallels between Monty Python and Veggie Tales. Here are a few. I'm sure there are a lot more, but these stuck out the most. 

(VT) Archie Asparagus interrupting Silly Songs "Stop being so Silly!" 

                  VS

                                                        (MP) " Stop being so silly and Get On With It"

 (VT) The French Peas being Fish Slappers in Jonah




VS

(MP) Fish Slapping skit 

French Peas on the Wall of  Jericho....

                          VS  

(MP) French Guard in The Holy Grail 

This cracked me up a little bit. I like to see where some of the creators of VT might have used scenes as inspirations to add some humor and twists to their versions of bible stories. 

I know I'm not the first to see this parallel. Actually I'm about a decade late, but it is funny not to share. 

Boys At Dinner

I know I am not the only one in the world with boys, so I know that adventures at dinnertime isn't "new". But here's how dinnertime went tonight.
We were eating our family favorite of Fishsticks and Tator Tots (hey, only the best for my kiddos!). This rare delicacy was served with ice cold water.  As I sit there across the table from my sweet faced little men, I watch as Titus tries to stuff a tot in his mouth, that is already full of his bright red shirt, while dipping his hand in his water...I just sigh and look down...maybe if I look down at my plate I won't discover if he's fishing for ice or dipping something in his cup. meanwhile, Max is gulping down water with an ornory look in his eye. Abby happily chats and munches away next to me while the light conversation continues. Then I hear it start. Someone learned how to belch. I look over to see this wide eyed-"did you hear that" look on Max's face as he's finishing this belch. It reminded me of that scene in  ELF when Will Farrell drinks the 2 liter bottle of coke and then has this epic burp...well maybe not that bad, but the facial expressions were pretty close.
"Max, please don't burp on purpose at the table. It's rude"
"Okay, Mommaaa-aaauuuuurrrrp! ssskeewz me!" He grins his big undeniably cute face at me and burps again. "skewzme"
I glance over at Titus again and he's now stuffing all of his tots and fish in his shirt, like a pocket, completely in his own world. Then picks up his own cup of water and tries to immitate Max's burp. I see it in my near future. We will be having contests for sure. Belching, farting, see how many tots you can shove in your mouth at once, who can make their plate look the most disgusting...and then eat it.
I look at Adam...He just grins at me and says "well they are boys..."

Boys indeed.

I Hate Chores

I am one of those people that go from one extreme to the other. I can be either incredibly anal and organized and MUST have it a certain way and will freak out if anyone disrupts the flow and organization of...well everything (my diaper bag and purse, and the cabinet of kids dishes and the bookcases are main ones that I do hold onto. tightly), or I have let it go and am on the verge of a Hoarders episode (unfolded laundry, junk drawers, and *gulp* toys).
Obviously having 4 small children disrupts...well...all of that, so I try to loosen up a little bit and just not worry about it so much...and find myself on the "other end" of the spectrum. Maybe it is that I am busy with the littles that I don't have time to be anal about everything, or it is that I have an honest struggle with laziness. I hear it all the time "you have four kids!" "you are a busy mom", "don't feel like you have to worry so much about your house" and that just feeds the laziness, and I find myself not doing anything, even the basic upkeep of the house, vacuuming, dishes, laundry, then it all piles up and I about lose my mind feeling overwhelmed with "this damn pigsty we live in" ! I have struggled with this for years now. It's enough to send anyone crazy or into a downward spiral.
Well, here I am. Tired of starting an organizational project, to get half way through (with the help of small masters of distraction and destruction) and then being left with more of a mess than I anticipated in the first place and feeling totally buried with no hope of escape.
And oddly enough, no matter how hard I try to "blink it away" like Jeanie or escape it all together by "getting busy" and leaving the house, every time I open my eyes or come home, it is still there waiting for me to put it away and clean it up.
Now you might be reading this and thinking "dang, Bec, just ask for help". My response to that is, if you have kids, I'm not going to ask. The last thing I need is to double the kid count against me while I'm trying to accomplish a task. If you do not have kids, I am assuming you are working. You can't be two places at once. And if you fit somewhere in the middle, chances are I have asked and you just couldn't do it. See where I'm at here?
I do find great comfort in going into other peoples homes when they haven't had the time to clean...call me a weirdo, but it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this messy business of mom-hood. If I walk into a house that has small kids and it's totally clean and decluttered, I hear the lies whispering in my head that I am a failure at my own home. What are they doing? how do they do it? why can't I get off my own butt and do the same in my own home? FAIL!FAIL! FAIL!
I know that's a little extreme. I am also trying to find refuge in Gods word about this. What does the bible say? Of course I am immediately drawn to all of the Proverbs about Laziness, which makes me feel even worse about my struggle with wanting to curl up with my cup of coffee and computer or book (for two or three hours at a time) and avoid the house (and yes, at times, even the kids).  and of course the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman. I'd love to meet her, and after slapping her for setting the bar so stinkin' high, I'd like to follow her and see how she does it! Maybe learn a thing or two. (I sense what my next bible study will be). This would be a great time in my life to have a mentor friend that could come and get me motivated and hold me accountable, SHOW me how to get a handle on my house and get into a great routine that would help me get organized. Maybe I will add that to my prayer list.
God send me someone that can help me stay accountable for the daily routine of a stay at home mom, that will teach me the discipline of staying organized and keeping up with a routine, even when it's disrupted. Lord, help me get over my struggle with laziness and to find joy in my daily housekeeping. Help me find contentment in the home I am in until you provide us with the opportunity to own our own home.

Children in Church

I don't know if this is something that happens in most churches, but it seems to be happening in ours and it hits a bit of a nerve.
Lets start with some minor but important facts...
Our church is made up of MOSTLY children. Most of the families have 3+ kids... there are a couple of families just starting out with only one or two kids, but for the most part we're a "go big or go home" kind of group when it comes to the size of our families.
What I love about our church is we all take care of each others kids...you really don't know who belongs to who until we're all getting into our cars/vans to go home...and even then sometimes their all mixed together! Lets just say we've made it a habit to double check our head count and  call our kids names. Yes that's right, we've nearly pulled out of the church parking lot a time or two with the right number of kids, but not the "right" ones...or with too many or not enough kids...so yes. we do roll call before we leave. It's a good thing.

What has been happening though is there is a tone or a perceived "feeling" that our children belong across the street in their own classes and just aren't welcome in "big church".
Every fifth Sunday a month (these don't happen very often), we have a "family service" where there is no childcare or childrens church. As a parent, I have a mix of feelings about it. On one hand, I love them going to their own classes, because then I can focus and enjoy my own (uninterrupted) time with God. On the other hand, it's only a few Sundays out of the year and I feel it is so vital for my children to see Adam and I worshiping together and just worshiping together in general as a family is so important to us. It teaches the kids what it means to worship and how to have a relationship with God. It gives them an opportunity to see their parents living out what they talk about at home.  I love this time together and actually do look forward to it.
Do these Family Services go cookie-cutter amazing every time? Absolutely not. Our last one was a bit of disaster to be honest. I don't know how it went down for other parents, but in our pew row we had tears over lollipops, tears from being embarrassed, sitting on the floor and crawling under the pews, children suddenly feeling independent and not wanting help with opening that crayon packet (when they clearly need the help) and even had one strip down naked. It was a "memorable experience".
Do I look back and see where we went so very wrong? Yes! I feel like as the parents of these crazy kids, it is our responsibility to keep the disruptions to and absolute minimum.
Here are a few things we need to kindly remind ourselves, both parents on non-parents alike:

For all of us:
1. Our children are part of the Body. Without them we are not complete! It's GOOD for us to unite as one complete body every once and a while.
2. Remember that story in Matthew (and Mark...and Luke), Jesus said "Let the children come to me..."  
3. They are children. They are not going to sit perfectly still and be unnoticed.
4. They aren't used to our "grown up" service. I mean really? We don't even get a snack!
5. This doesn't happen every Sunday...or MONTH for that matter!
6. They are our future leaders.

That being said, here are some other reminders for the parents:

1. Sit together. That's the point of the family service.
2. NO kids should be in the front two rows. The last time there were so many disruptions from kids sitting in the front row without their parents. (Kids under the age of 10)
3. Be prepared. If you know little Joey will sit better with a cup of water/juice and some animal crackers. or a notebook and crayons. have that kind of thing ready for him.
4. If it's just too much. It's OKAY! Feel free to excuse yourself with the kiddo. quietly/quickly exiting for a moment to console an upset kid, or go potty is less distracting than letting them just sit there and get louder about it. and speaking of loud...they aren't as loud as you think they are.
5. Have some grace. The people without kids don't fully understand what you're going through trying to keep your young ones quiet. It's okay. They shouldn't. Just do your best.

And we can't leave out the Non-Parents:

1. Sit up front. It's less distracting. You can focus on the message and you won't have little ones turning around saying "HI" a million times during the service.
2. If you chose not to sit toward the front, sit in the middle. leave the isle seats for the families for possible quick get aways.
3.Have some grace. You don't fully understand what the parents go through to keep their young ones content.
4. A lot of thought and effort goes into the planning of the service. We try very hard to reach all generations without being too juvenile about activities and song selection. Be open, don't expect deep soul poking, theological discussions...but don't under estimate what God can do through the simpler message either.
5. Greet them with love. Make them feel welcome!

It's not easy preparing for a family service. On one had we don't want to cater to the kids and water down the message too much, but on the other hand we do want to try to include them as well. The flow will be a little different and there might be some "get up and move" activities happening..but a little change, a little different, is good for us.
We are raising the next generation of Christians...How do you want to see them turn out? Think about the children that have been dedicated to the church, our commitment to help influence and raise them in a positive Christ-like, loving environment. Are we living that out by making them not feel welcome?

Introducing EMILY "MILLIE" ANN MORELAND!!!! (six months late)

I was just going to put up a picture and say "here she is!" but....Her story is so much better than that and deserves the be heard.

I'll start with the pregnancy: (I'll try to keep it brief)
Millie is our miracle baby. At six weeks, I started bleeding. Heavily. We made the appointments with the doctor to be sure of  what was happening. Our hearts were broken. The doctor ordered some blood work to check my hormone levels just so that I would have the closure of what we assumed was a miscarriage. After a few days and the second blood test (to see if the levels went up or down) I get a call from a very excited doctor..."They went UP! How soon can you get a sonogram?" We rushed to the ER to find out what was going on, and discovered two things. 1. We were indeed pregnant. The little peanut size baby in my belly had a perfect little heartbeat! and 2. I had a subchorionic blood clot the size of a tennis ball that was causing the bleeding.
Long story short, I was in and out of the doctors with sonograms every three to four weeks monitoring the clot as well as baby's growth. It went away at week 12, and we rejoiced thinking it was finally "over" and we could move on with our pregnancy...then I developed another one at week 15. same size, same place...but the amount of bleeding resulted in a 24 hour stay in the hospital for monitoring, and modified bed rest for the foreseeable future. At week 21's sonogram we got the all clear. The baby (girl we found out) was growing well, the clots were gone, but they found a  uterine band or "weird thing" as they put it. I was back to "just take it easy" status until week 30 where we saw that she as big enough to have closed the band gap, pushed away any chance of clots and was still growing and healthy. So the rest of my pregnancy could be treated as a normal healthy pregnancy. And it was for the remainder of the pregnancy that we all were healthy and as "normal" as you can be during your last 10 weeks of the pregnancy.
Her due date came and went and our stress levels were high in anticipating our little girls arrival. We had everyone on call, the doctors, the babysitters, back up babysitters, even the fire department just in case we had another birth like Titus'. When I was over due by a couple of days, I confided in my doctor about how stressed out we were. Adam had been working super late hours to cover his time for when we had her so he could have a week off...but not knowing when she would arrive, he just kept the crazy schedule. We finally decided that an induction might be a good idea, so we scheduled it for the following Monday. The Saturday before our induction, I felt a lot of contractions that were getting stronger and crazier and thought "THIS IS IT!" we called in the troops. It was late at night, so we called our neighbor to come hang out until our sitters could get the kids. We hurried to the hospital with this great anticipation only to be sent home after a couple of hours. I was in fact contracting, but it wasn't progressive. I explained to the nurses about my labor/delivery history being super fast and they kind of smiled and nodded and sent me home anyway. "We'll hopefully see you in the next day or so"
We went home feeling defeated and bummed out that we haddn't had the baby. Our cousins had the kids, and agreed to just keeping them Sunday so we could have the day to focus on possibly having a baby and not stress over where the kids were and all of that. They were going to take them Sunay anyway with the induction being scheduled for early Monday morning anyway, so no harm in having them a little bit early.
Adam and I took advantage of our day and made it into a day date. We shopped for last minute "needs" for the baby, we went to a nice restaurant (and scared everyone with my 4 days past due belly) and just took it easy. We drove up to Sykesville to see the kiddos for dinner and put them to bed. During our visit I sat on the couch and counted contractions. Every time the kids bumped into the couch while playing it felt like they were really slamming into it hard and jostling me was very uncomfortable. I ate standing up swaying because it was just more comfortable that way (I didn't realize I was in early labor at this point). After we got the kids down I told Adam that I wanted to go home. I just felt better knowing we were closer to the hospital. We got home at about 10pm and went right to bed because we had a very early morning. Our induction was set for 6am. As soon as I laid down the contractions really kicked in. I remember laying there timing them and praying "God if this is it, I really need to know. Make it clear when it is time to go to the hospital" the next contraction took my breath away. It hurt so bad that I opened my mouth to say "OWW!" but nothing came out...After it started coming down and passing I grabbed Adam and said "Babe we gotta go! That was a doozy!" Adam sat straight up. It kind of reminded me of the old movies when the vampire sits straight up out of the coffin.... it was kind of funny. He had me whisked away to the hospital before I really knew what was going on. On a side note: As we went through the traffic light by our house (that leads to the Fire Station) we realized "our crew" was on duty that night. For about a second (between contractions) I thought "lets go say hi and let them know we're on our way!" but that only lasted a second. :)
We got to the hospital. again. and wouldn't you know it, had the same nurses and staff from the night before. Naturally, they remembered us, and you could see on their faces that we were "that couple". You know the ones...the frequent fliers that come in for every discomfort...yeah. The difference this time was that I could barely sign my name for the check in papers.
They got us into a room and while I was changing into my gown I was telling the nurse (we'll call her Karen) about Titus' birth and that  this one might likely be very fast.
She nodded along (not believing me) and got me settled into the bed. I talked about having an epidurral as my pain was pretty severe and I just wanted to "enjoy this experience" without the incoveniance of pain (HA!). Karen put my request in the system and proceeded to give me an IV and take a blood sample. They have to do that before they do the epi. and check my dialation. I was at 6cm
anyway, In the time it took her to do that I contracted like mad and asked her to check me again (it's been 5 minutes after all) she did as she was checking she was saying "it's only been 5 minutes, I really don't think there will be much cha....oh look at that...you're 8! wow!"
She called in another nurse...We'll call her Kim...I don't remember their names exactly except that they both started with "K". Kim came in and started prepping the baby area and chatting me up. This was the nurse from the night before so there was a lot of  "I told you so" conversation going on between huffing and puffing and breathing and groaning.
I transitioned into "ready to push mode after another 10 minutes or so and told them "I really feel like I need to push"...Karen...little doubter that she is....skeptically checked me again and was like "wow! you're at 10! lets start pushing! Kim call the doc"
Kim's side of the conversation was amusing "Yes, we're ready to push...I know she just got here. It's happening pretty fast, you might want to hurry"
I start pushing and Dr. "Stringbean" walks in (seriously....this guys scrubs looked like they were wrapped around his tiny body a couple of times before he tied them off) walks in while I'm pushing, "has her water broken yet?" "not yet" "okay. I'm going to check on another patient real quick, I will be right back"
After he walked out, I was pushing pretty hard, and after a few good pushes, pooping on the table a couple of times (yes I did it. we all do. and yes I was apologizing profusely for it...cracking the nurses up because I was more concerned about that than I was about the baby coming out of me....whatever)It was finally time to really get her out. I was done waiting. Karen was messing with the monitors on my stomach during contractions which hurt, a lot. trying to get  a good read of baby's heart rate during a contraction..."making sure it's not dropping. If it's dropping..." KAREN! I SWEAR IF YOU TOUCH THAT THING AGAIN WHILE I'M CONTRACTING YOU'RE GONNA GET PUNCHED!....I'm sorry. That wasn't nice. It just hurts...."
I decided enough messing around, lets get this baby out! First push had her head out, second shot the rest of her out...yes shot. I even heard Kim yelling "Whoa! Karen! Karen! Catch!"
the doctor walked back in as they were putting her on my chest...he just stood there like "well that was fast!"  I opened my eyes to this TINY little baby on my chest giving us a good pouty cry. She was perfect. She had a perfectly round head, she was super little, and just soo beautiful! I asked "She's a girl right?" I heard some chuckles and "yes. she's a girl and she's peeing on you"
I totally didn't care. after all the dramatic moments throughout this pregnancy, all the stress at the end of when she'd come and if she'd be fast like Titus, and whether or not I'd make it to the hospital...I just didn't care if she peed on me.. she was here. she was healthy, she was beautiful and I didn't have to worry about anything else.

Now she's a six month old rollie pollie bundle of love. We love her so much and she's just been an awesome addition to our family. :)

Feeling "Normal" and Other Thoughts About Having Babies

Being in the third trimester of my fourth pregnancy...(wow that still sounds insane, even as I type this!) I can't help but think of some of the ladies I have met and gotten to know in the "pregnancy world"'(because you know we are all in it "together". we see another bulging basket ball shaped belly and instantly a special little bond happens and whether it's your first or your fourth, you have a special understanding of each other and the conversational options are endless.) There are a lot of first time mommies right now that are feeling nervous and anxious and quite frankly have a lot of questions they just aren't asking. To those ladies, I hope these thoughts (mainly about labor and delivery and nursing) help. They are my own experiences as well as my own fears (yes even 4th time around I have them) just so you know you are not alone in this. I hope this helps. (of course, you might get half way through it and come out feeling even more anxious than before...but I sincerely hope it helps).

Labor and Delivery is scary, even for the fourth time! There is always this element of the "unknown"...there is not set time or date for going into labor and what it's going to feel like is different for everyone in every pregnancy!  I do encourage you though to educate yourself. It is important to know what to expect, as much as you can anyway, and what your options are, and (in a general sense) how you would ultimately like to have baby.

With Abby, I was (and still am) very much like, "just get her out, as long as we're both safe and okay, I am open to whatever"  And that's what we did! I signed any paperwork/ answered whatever questions I needed to ahead of time for the epidural, just in case, (my goal was to go without any drugs etc, but not knowing what it all felt like, or what I would be able to handle, I was open to the drugs too). I prayed almost my whole pregnancy that my water would break, so that there would be no doubt that it "was time". Praise God for answered prayer because it did break, but my body didn't go into labor (meaning no contractions started, or what did start wasn't strong enough to really get things going within the 24 hour time limit they give you when your water breaks before they induce) so I had a "pitocin birth"  and usually when you are induced with pitocin, you end up with an epidural because your body is being forced into labor when it's not technically ready and it tends to be more painful, now having both drugged and not drugged, I can say that both hurt like a bitch, so really it's just whatever you can handle and don't feel guilty one way or the other. I was thrilled that Abby (and Max) were drugged up births. I was able to focus and enjoy it a little more having not felt anything from the bellybutton down, I could see more of what was happening and some of the other after birth "stuff" wasn't felt at all...which was great!

Max's  birth, I was much more educated, I had a doula (which I highly recommend) and while the physical process was identical to Abby's birth (water breaking and despite our best efforts to start labor naturally, my body still didn't cooperate) I had another pitocin birth. having gone through that before, I was a little more relaxed going in to it, because I knew more of what to expect. again, my goal was no epi. but that's when I learned about what everyone meant about pitocin births being more painful...as well as that no matter what you plan ahead of time, it may just not go the way your hope and dream it will. Having the doula was amazing. They are educated coaches that are able to help you make the decisions you need, focus, and encouraging you to stick with your birth "plan", and can also communicate to the nurses what you need. If/when your labor "plan" changes for any reason, they are ready to help you adjust and really, it just takes a lot of pressure off of both you and hubby!

If I learned something from my third pregnancy, it's that the phrase "the third birth will throw you for a loop!" is incredibly TRUE! Believe it ladies!!! I didn't until I had Mr T. Titus' was thrilling because it was so empowering! I felt EVERYTHING and was able to work through it. It was amazing in a completely different way! Amazing and terrifying (just being honest here).  I had these crazy fears coming up to the end of my pregnancy with him..."what if my water breaks in public?" "what if labor comes on fast and furious and I can't get to the hospital? what do I do with the other two kids?" All kinds of thoughts like that ran through my head. It was all "worst case scenario"...and wouldn't you know it, almost all of those fears came to life the morning I woke up in labor that hit me too fast to make it to the hospital and I ended up having my sweet boy on the living room floor assisted by the local fire department! Thank the Lord, Adam was there to help me. I fully believe that was a lesson from God in Philippians 4:6-7 " Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  I faced a lot of my fears with that labor and delivery and learned that with God, all things are possible, and He gave me the strength and peace to get through that terrifying moment. Once I wrapped my head around the fact that a hospital birth was NOT an option with this kid, I focused, and had him out within a couple of minutes of pushing. It was amazing.

Now, with number 4,  I'm feeling more like I did with Abby. Just get her out. safe. preferably at the hospital. :) I feel like anything could happen, and from what I've experienced with the first three, I am ready to take on whatever is thrown at me. I'm still educated, I still have the "ideal plan" in mind, but I also am prepared to throw that "ideal plan" out the window if I need to and do what comes naturally and have this baby! Some of my concerns now revolve more around my other kids than they do with the labor and delivery..."how do we handle child care with Abby being in school now and our sitters living in another town?" "who do we call when I go into labor (under whatever circumstance) to take the kids?" "how will my snuggle bug Titus handle having to share Mommy with a new born?" The list is almost endless. I am choosing however to "Philippians 4:6" it so God can carry some of those burdens and I can just focus on carrying a healthy baby girl.

As for Nursing, It was a challenge in the beginning, because neither of you really know what your doing, and that in itself is overwhelming. You're learning (together) how it all works, and it's a vital task. you are feeding your baby, this is your baby's life source! FOOOOD!  again, being a little bit educated is key. If you have access to a friend or someone who is a lactation consultant, keep their number on speed dial. I know several ladies that are in that field that I can call any time. and do, even with baby number 4. Shoot, I call them and pick their brains when I'm NOT nursing, just any time a question comes up and curiosity hits me. Nursing is a fascinating thing and the more I can learn about it and understand it, the easier it is when I am in the midst of nursing adventures. Don't feel like you can't call, even if it is overwhelming, or you feel it is silly or embarrassing. I'm going to share a very personal thing with you now...but it's significant...so bare with me...I have a really big ugly mole on my breast, I was so concerned about someone seeing it, that I didn't ask for help with nursing Abby...as a result, I was left to do it on my own, and while looking back, I laugh at myself and the hysterics I went through learning what to do, (especially when my milk really came in, which ended in both of us half naked, soaked and crying...a hilarious tale for another time) I remember at the time how frustrated I was and can't help but think, had I just gotten over that stupid insecurity over a mole, I could have gotten some really good help from the nurses and lactation people at the hospital and possibly have skipped all those hysterical moments. I eventually figured it out and we did just fine, but the point is, don't let the little things keep you from asking. don't feel embarrassed, or uncomfortable. they are there to help, and frankly, they've seen and heard it all. :) If you do have trouble, there could be a reason. All of my kids are tongue tied...that can interfere with nursing! not getting them latched on correctly can effect it... it's tricky, but given some patience and effort, you'll be fine.

 While it is true some women just can't do it, for whatever reason, there are a lot of resources and things you can do to help make it happen, and it's only when you ask about it or seek help, that you will find those tricks and things to help.Having learned my lesson from the first baby, I made a point to really ask lots of questions and seek help when I needed it with Max. You'd be amazed at the resources the hospital has available to you. As a result, we had a much better nursing experience too.

All of that being said, if it doesn't work out, and you just don't feel like it's happening. that is OKAY! I only nursed Abby for 3 months. I went back to work, and try as I might, I couldn't keep up with her demands with a pump. My body just doesn't respond to pumping, so we ended up switching to formula. fortunately for the rest of the brood, I stopped working and was (am) able to bf because I am with them 24-7. I do not regret any of it either. we did what was best for all of us at the time. I am not one of those women who boycott Nestle because they make formula. I think it is amazing that we have come up with a good alternative solution to feeding our babies. There are people in the world that just can't do it, and if they can't, what are they left with?? Yes. Breast is best and my first choice always, but if breast is not an option, thank God we have people who work hard to make something that is the next best thing, and have our babies health and well being at the top of their list! (sorry...I'll get off my soapbox now)
As for the million other parenting roads you could possibly go down, co-sleeping vs independent sleeping, helicopter parenting vs free range, attachment parenting vs baby wise... what I've learned in my very short experience of being a mom, is that the books are great, chatting with friends is awesome, and the best resource for opinions/perspective, but what you decide to do with your children, your parenting life-style is going to be unique to your own family. What works for your friends, or according to the experts in books, or according to your mother (or mother in law) may not fully work for you and your family. Don't feel guilty or question your instincts with making family decisions and  Don't pass judgement on others family choices either...for the same reason. I have lots of mommy friends that I love and respect that do thing vastly different than we do in our family, and while I may not agree with their parenting choices, I respect their decisions because they are doing what is right for their family. 

That's about it for my "wisdom". I hope it makes sense and above all, I  hope your feel more at ease about this new adventurous chapter in your life.

until then, I am going to waddle my happy preggy self into the kitchen for something to munch on, because goodness knows these cravings have no end to them :)