I know I am not the only one in the world with boys, so I know that adventures at dinnertime isn't "new". But here's how dinnertime went tonight.
We were eating our family favorite of Fishsticks and Tator Tots (hey, only the best for my kiddos!). This rare delicacy was served with ice cold water. As I sit there across the table from my sweet faced little men, I watch as Titus tries to stuff a tot in his mouth, that is already full of his bright red shirt, while dipping his hand in his water...I just sigh and look down...maybe if I look down at my plate I won't discover if he's fishing for ice or dipping something in his cup. meanwhile, Max is gulping down water with an ornory look in his eye. Abby happily chats and munches away next to me while the light conversation continues. Then I hear it start. Someone learned how to belch. I look over to see this wide eyed-"did you hear that" look on Max's face as he's finishing this belch. It reminded me of that scene in ELF when Will Farrell drinks the 2 liter bottle of coke and then has this epic burp...well maybe not that bad, but the facial expressions were pretty close.
"Max, please don't burp on purpose at the table. It's rude"
"Okay, Mommaaa-aaauuuuurrrrp! ssskeewz me!" He grins his big undeniably cute face at me and burps again. "skewzme"
I glance over at Titus again and he's now stuffing all of his tots and fish in his shirt, like a pocket, completely in his own world. Then picks up his own cup of water and tries to immitate Max's burp. I see it in my near future. We will be having contests for sure. Belching, farting, see how many tots you can shove in your mouth at once, who can make their plate look the most disgusting...and then eat it.
I look at Adam...He just grins at me and says "well they are boys..."
Boys indeed.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
I Hate Chores
I am one of those people that go from one extreme to the other. I can be either incredibly anal and organized and MUST have it a certain way and will freak out if anyone disrupts the flow and organization of...well everything (my diaper bag and purse, and the cabinet of kids dishes and the bookcases are main ones that I do hold onto. tightly), or I have let it go and am on the verge of a Hoarders episode (unfolded laundry, junk drawers, and *gulp* toys).
Obviously having 4 small children disrupts...well...all of that, so I try to loosen up a little bit and just not worry about it so much...and find myself on the "other end" of the spectrum. Maybe it is that I am busy with the littles that I don't have time to be anal about everything, or it is that I have an honest struggle with laziness. I hear it all the time "you have four kids!" "you are a busy mom", "don't feel like you have to worry so much about your house" and that just feeds the laziness, and I find myself not doing anything, even the basic upkeep of the house, vacuuming, dishes, laundry, then it all piles up and I about lose my mind feeling overwhelmed with "this damn pigsty we live in" ! I have struggled with this for years now. It's enough to send anyone crazy or into a downward spiral.
Well, here I am. Tired of starting an organizational project, to get half way through (with the help of small masters of distraction and destruction) and then being left with more of a mess than I anticipated in the first place and feeling totally buried with no hope of escape.
And oddly enough, no matter how hard I try to "blink it away" like Jeanie or escape it all together by "getting busy" and leaving the house, every time I open my eyes or come home, it is still there waiting for me to put it away and clean it up.
Now you might be reading this and thinking "dang, Bec, just ask for help". My response to that is, if you have kids, I'm not going to ask. The last thing I need is to double the kid count against me while I'm trying to accomplish a task. If you do not have kids, I am assuming you are working. You can't be two places at once. And if you fit somewhere in the middle, chances are I have asked and you just couldn't do it. See where I'm at here?
I do find great comfort in going into other peoples homes when they haven't had the time to clean...call me a weirdo, but it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this messy business of mom-hood. If I walk into a house that has small kids and it's totally clean and decluttered, I hear the lies whispering in my head that I am a failure at my own home. What are they doing? how do they do it? why can't I get off my own butt and do the same in my own home? FAIL!FAIL! FAIL!
I know that's a little extreme. I am also trying to find refuge in Gods word about this. What does the bible say? Of course I am immediately drawn to all of the Proverbs about Laziness, which makes me feel even worse about my struggle with wanting to curl up with my cup of coffee and computer or book (for two or three hours at a time) and avoid the house (and yes, at times, even the kids). and of course the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman. I'd love to meet her, and after slapping her for setting the bar so stinkin' high, I'd like to follow her and see how she does it! Maybe learn a thing or two. (I sense what my next bible study will be). This would be a great time in my life to have a mentor friend that could come and get me motivated and hold me accountable, SHOW me how to get a handle on my house and get into a great routine that would help me get organized. Maybe I will add that to my prayer list.
God send me someone that can help me stay accountable for the daily routine of a stay at home mom, that will teach me the discipline of staying organized and keeping up with a routine, even when it's disrupted. Lord, help me get over my struggle with laziness and to find joy in my daily housekeeping. Help me find contentment in the home I am in until you provide us with the opportunity to own our own home.
Children in Church
I don't know if this is something that happens in most churches, but it seems to be happening in ours and it hits a bit of a nerve.
Lets start with some minor but important facts...
Our church is made up of MOSTLY children. Most of the families have 3+ kids... there are a couple of families just starting out with only one or two kids, but for the most part we're a "go big or go home" kind of group when it comes to the size of our families.
What I love about our church is we all take care of each others kids...you really don't know who belongs to who until we're all getting into our cars/vans to go home...and even then sometimes their all mixed together! Lets just say we've made it a habit to double check our head count and call our kids names. Yes that's right, we've nearly pulled out of the church parking lot a time or two with the right number of kids, but not the "right" ones...or with too many or not enough kids...so yes. we do roll call before we leave. It's a good thing.
What has been happening though is there is a tone or a perceived "feeling" that our children belong across the street in their own classes and just aren't welcome in "big church".
Every fifth Sunday a month (these don't happen very often), we have a "family service" where there is no childcare or childrens church. As a parent, I have a mix of feelings about it. On one hand, I love them going to their own classes, because then I can focus and enjoy my own (uninterrupted) time with God. On the other hand, it's only a few Sundays out of the year and I feel it is so vital for my children to see Adam and I worshiping together and just worshiping together in general as a family is so important to us. It teaches the kids what it means to worship and how to have a relationship with God. It gives them an opportunity to see their parents living out what they talk about at home. I love this time together and actually do look forward to it.
Do these Family Services go cookie-cutter amazing every time? Absolutely not. Our last one was a bit of disaster to be honest. I don't know how it went down for other parents, but in our pew row we had tears over lollipops, tears from being embarrassed, sitting on the floor and crawling under the pews, children suddenly feeling independent and not wanting help with opening that crayon packet (when they clearly need the help) and even had one strip down naked. It was a "memorable experience".
Do I look back and see where we went so very wrong? Yes! I feel like as the parents of these crazy kids, it is our responsibility to keep the disruptions to and absolute minimum.
Here are a few things we need to kindly remind ourselves, both parents on non-parents alike:
For all of us:
1. Our children are part of the Body. Without them we are not complete! It's GOOD for us to unite as one complete body every once and a while.
2. Remember that story in Matthew (and Mark...and Luke), Jesus said "Let the children come to me..."
3. They are children. They are not going to sit perfectly still and be unnoticed.
4. They aren't used to our "grown up" service. I mean really? We don't even get a snack!
5. This doesn't happen every Sunday...or MONTH for that matter!
6. They are our future leaders.
That being said, here are some other reminders for the parents:
1. Sit together. That's the point of the family service.
2. NO kids should be in the front two rows. The last time there were so many disruptions from kids sitting in the front row without their parents. (Kids under the age of 10)
3. Be prepared. If you know little Joey will sit better with a cup of water/juice and some animal crackers. or a notebook and crayons. have that kind of thing ready for him.
4. If it's just too much. It's OKAY! Feel free to excuse yourself with the kiddo. quietly/quickly exiting for a moment to console an upset kid, or go potty is less distracting than letting them just sit there and get louder about it. and speaking of loud...they aren't as loud as you think they are.
5. Have some grace. The people without kids don't fully understand what you're going through trying to keep your young ones quiet. It's okay. They shouldn't. Just do your best.
And we can't leave out the Non-Parents:
1. Sit up front. It's less distracting. You can focus on the message and you won't have little ones turning around saying "HI" a million times during the service.
2. If you chose not to sit toward the front, sit in the middle. leave the isle seats for the families for possible quick get aways.
3.Have some grace. You don't fully understand what the parents go through to keep their young ones content.
4. A lot of thought and effort goes into the planning of the service. We try very hard to reach all generations without being too juvenile about activities and song selection. Be open, don't expect deep soul poking, theological discussions...but don't under estimate what God can do through the simpler message either.
5. Greet them with love. Make them feel welcome!
It's not easy preparing for a family service. On one had we don't want to cater to the kids and water down the message too much, but on the other hand we do want to try to include them as well. The flow will be a little different and there might be some "get up and move" activities happening..but a little change, a little different, is good for us.
We are raising the next generation of Christians...How do you want to see them turn out? Think about the children that have been dedicated to the church, our commitment to help influence and raise them in a positive Christ-like, loving environment. Are we living that out by making them not feel welcome?
Lets start with some minor but important facts...
Our church is made up of MOSTLY children. Most of the families have 3+ kids... there are a couple of families just starting out with only one or two kids, but for the most part we're a "go big or go home" kind of group when it comes to the size of our families.
What I love about our church is we all take care of each others kids...you really don't know who belongs to who until we're all getting into our cars/vans to go home...and even then sometimes their all mixed together! Lets just say we've made it a habit to double check our head count and call our kids names. Yes that's right, we've nearly pulled out of the church parking lot a time or two with the right number of kids, but not the "right" ones...or with too many or not enough kids...so yes. we do roll call before we leave. It's a good thing.
What has been happening though is there is a tone or a perceived "feeling" that our children belong across the street in their own classes and just aren't welcome in "big church".
Every fifth Sunday a month (these don't happen very often), we have a "family service" where there is no childcare or childrens church. As a parent, I have a mix of feelings about it. On one hand, I love them going to their own classes, because then I can focus and enjoy my own (uninterrupted) time with God. On the other hand, it's only a few Sundays out of the year and I feel it is so vital for my children to see Adam and I worshiping together and just worshiping together in general as a family is so important to us. It teaches the kids what it means to worship and how to have a relationship with God. It gives them an opportunity to see their parents living out what they talk about at home. I love this time together and actually do look forward to it.
Do these Family Services go cookie-cutter amazing every time? Absolutely not. Our last one was a bit of disaster to be honest. I don't know how it went down for other parents, but in our pew row we had tears over lollipops, tears from being embarrassed, sitting on the floor and crawling under the pews, children suddenly feeling independent and not wanting help with opening that crayon packet (when they clearly need the help) and even had one strip down naked. It was a "memorable experience".
Do I look back and see where we went so very wrong? Yes! I feel like as the parents of these crazy kids, it is our responsibility to keep the disruptions to and absolute minimum.
Here are a few things we need to kindly remind ourselves, both parents on non-parents alike:
For all of us:
1. Our children are part of the Body. Without them we are not complete! It's GOOD for us to unite as one complete body every once and a while.
2. Remember that story in Matthew (and Mark...and Luke), Jesus said "Let the children come to me..."
3. They are children. They are not going to sit perfectly still and be unnoticed.
4. They aren't used to our "grown up" service. I mean really? We don't even get a snack!
5. This doesn't happen every Sunday...or MONTH for that matter!
6. They are our future leaders.
That being said, here are some other reminders for the parents:
1. Sit together. That's the point of the family service.
2. NO kids should be in the front two rows. The last time there were so many disruptions from kids sitting in the front row without their parents. (Kids under the age of 10)
3. Be prepared. If you know little Joey will sit better with a cup of water/juice and some animal crackers. or a notebook and crayons. have that kind of thing ready for him.
4. If it's just too much. It's OKAY! Feel free to excuse yourself with the kiddo. quietly/quickly exiting for a moment to console an upset kid, or go potty is less distracting than letting them just sit there and get louder about it. and speaking of loud...they aren't as loud as you think they are.
5. Have some grace. The people without kids don't fully understand what you're going through trying to keep your young ones quiet. It's okay. They shouldn't. Just do your best.
And we can't leave out the Non-Parents:
1. Sit up front. It's less distracting. You can focus on the message and you won't have little ones turning around saying "HI" a million times during the service.
2. If you chose not to sit toward the front, sit in the middle. leave the isle seats for the families for possible quick get aways.
3.Have some grace. You don't fully understand what the parents go through to keep their young ones content.
4. A lot of thought and effort goes into the planning of the service. We try very hard to reach all generations without being too juvenile about activities and song selection. Be open, don't expect deep soul poking, theological discussions...but don't under estimate what God can do through the simpler message either.
5. Greet them with love. Make them feel welcome!
It's not easy preparing for a family service. On one had we don't want to cater to the kids and water down the message too much, but on the other hand we do want to try to include them as well. The flow will be a little different and there might be some "get up and move" activities happening..but a little change, a little different, is good for us.
We are raising the next generation of Christians...How do you want to see them turn out? Think about the children that have been dedicated to the church, our commitment to help influence and raise them in a positive Christ-like, loving environment. Are we living that out by making them not feel welcome?
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