Wrestling God.

I wish I could say that wrestling with the decision of "shall I stay or shall I go" with our church started after we moved, but I'd be lying. The thoughts have been rolling around in my heart and brain and keeping me awake late night for nearly a year now or at least since the first time the elders announced that our church was at risk of closing it's doors. Nearly every leaders meeting after was about how to "save the church".  This wrestling match has gotten more intense since we've moved, but really, it feels like the worlds longest WWE Monday Night RAW Smack Down World Championship Belt match.
 I have not felt full peace about staying. I'm sure a lot of it has had to do with feeling burnt out as the women's ministry "leader". Maybe it was feeling like our church was lacking stability. Was the offering enough? Would we be open next month? I started feeling like we were all just sitting around waiting for someone to say "okay we're done". That sort of inconsistency was draining.  Or that we are now living an hour away and getting up and everyone fed dressed and out the door so early has proven itself far more difficult than we'd anticipated. I didn't want to leave just because I'm not a morning person. 
While I didn't feel great about staying, I felt totally worse about leaving. I knew God had me there in my "role" for a reason, and I wanted very much to obey Him. Not only that but these people are our family. We have been part of this family for 6 years now. We have been through so much, for better and for worse. Births, Death, Marriages, Divorces, Healing physically and spiritually....I truly feel like we've seen it all within our little community. I couldn't bear to leave that. Mainly for fear that we'd lose touch and probably see very little if any of our friends again. Life happens after all. I wasn't willing to let go. So I didn't. 
We remained white-knuckled tight to our church. Transitioning from a 15 minute commute to an hour commute every Sunday morning, and it sucked, but we persevered. There were some weekends this summer however that we didn't make it. It's summer time after all. We signed up for VBS (because what is summertime without a little church hopping and getting rid of your kids for a few hours every day for a whole week!). Naturally that included a visit to the church, you know, to make sure they weren't going to teach our kids to bite the heads off chickens while dancing in the isles with snakes or anything else weird. We also had "vacation-y" weekends and even a weekend where we chose to stay home and install a split-rail fence... by our selves...on what had to have been the hottest weekend of the year (that was a fun ride that left bruises all over my legs, sunburns everywhere else and sore muscles in places I forgot existed, but that's a whole different story).
We were, however, not committed to leaving.  I continued my restless nights of debating in my heart what God was leading us to do. We felt pulled toward our new community. God has been good to us with providing, not only a wonderful amazing neighborhood and school, but also friendly Christian neighbors, right next door, with kids our kids ages who seemed to connect at first meeting and spent the whole summer trading houses, running through sprinklers and dancing in the isles (in a good way) at VBS getting so excited about the Good News of Jesus, and having sleepovers. What a blessing! 
There was still a nagging tug at my heartstrings to stay connected to our church. We'd promised everyone we weren't going anywhere just because we moved. There are two other families in our church from our (new) area. If they could commute, we could. I was committed to ministry duties. Oh God  help me figure out what to do here! 

This last Sunday, while we were "staycationing" with Adam's parents, and missing church, they announced that at the end of September, Beacon Hill Church was closing it's doors. Forever. 
I didn't know until Wednesday when I received an e-mail from our pastor about it. I was a bit shocked, but at the same time, I knew it was coming. It was a matter of time, but I knew it was going to happen. My heart filled with emotions. 
Relief. I was relieved because now I don't have to wrestle with this decision about staying or going. God literally closed those doors for us. Relieved that I didn't have to try to decide what to do with the women's ministry this fall. I truly got burned out. I had nothing left to offer these women. There was Peace too. 
Sad. Sad that the answer for us was to shut the doors. I didn't pray for that, though we probably wouldn't have left otherwise. The burden of guilt over leaving was too heavy, we'd rather stay. 
Disappointed. I feel like God shut our doors, not because we didn't have money, or attendance...but simply because we were disobedient. We are called to be active in our communities. What kind of footprint did we leave? I honestly don't believe the community around our church will even notice we're gone. The church we were renting space from will notice. The members of Beacon Hill...obviously. But the surrounding community?? Probably not. We simply were not active. Tim did an amazing job discipling us, but when it came time to send us out, we simply disobeyed. The church became a "safe place" that we went to to see our friends and fellowship together. There was no outreach. There was no serving our community. Not as a church anyway. Just huddling up in our cozy little comfort zones and simply not listening to God calling us out. So...what should we expect to happen? How disappointed I am in myself for not listening to what God had been screaming in my heart. "GO! Be in your community! Do MY work! Connect with these people!" 
Looking back I see how much time I wasted wrestling in the night, praying over and over and over, and feeling so frustrated with our church and ready to just "be done" and "move on". I was so restless in my fight to stay idle. How stupid of me, and how frustrating for God.
I clearly see it now. God wants us here. In our own backyard. We have a challenge ahead of us in looking for a new church to call home. I have a good start though with the two churches we visited over the summer (no snakes or headless chickens!). I feel like we can visit them again without feeling like we are being disloyal to our Beacon Hill family. We can go with a different perspective, a different set of eyes. Open hearts.
I am excited about this next step. I can't wait to see where we are planted. Adam has a heart for youth ministry. I have a heart for women's ministry. Maybe it's something completely different! Or maybe God just wants us to be bench warmers, to get our hearts right, to get a clearer picture of what He has in mind for us and getting connected with HIM.  Either way, I am tapping out and ready to (really) listen and obey.  

Being a Woman of God - Doing Womanhood well

I recently was able to attend Beth Moore's "Living Proof" simulcast. Ok...more like 4 months ago...but that's still pretty recent, right?
It was such a great message, I keep finding myself revisiting the notes I took and soaking in the wisdom she shared. So I thought, Why not share it with you?
Her message was a 7 point message....what I'm going to do is share my notes and try my best to share her message with you, through my own words (so it may not actually be a 7 point message). Hopefully I will be able to communicate some of  these fine points almost as well as she did. Consider this my "disclaimer" that these ideas were not my own... I wish I had this kind of wisdom to share. Maybe some day I will reach a point in my spiritual maturity to share original thoughts that will motivate and touch other womens lives as Beth Moore has done.

At any rate...here we go:

Being a Woman of God- Doing Womanhood Well

We are one gathering of many women yearning for God to speak.

In Acts 16:6-15 we see this picture of Paul and Silas traveling through Galatia. The Holy Spirit had prevented them from stopping and talking to people...kind of like a "nope...not yet...keep going..." kind of thing. They knew they were traveling to spread the Gospel. Paul has a vision to go to Macedonia. Knowing it was God leading him to share the gospel there...he obeyed and they went...

Here we're going to pick up in vs 13...and we learn about the FIRST European convert: 


"On the Sabbath we went a little way outside the city to a riverbank, where we thought people would be meeting for prayer, and we sat down to speak with some women who had gathered there. 14 One of them was Lydia from Thyatira, a merchant of expensive purple cloth, who worshiped God. As she listened to us, the Lord opened her heart, and she accepted what Paul was saying. 15 She and her household were baptized, and she asked us to be her guests. “If you agree that I am a true believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my home.” And she urged us until we agreed."It's significant that the first convert was a woman, and that the Holy Spirit kept Paul from spreading the good news until they came to this gathering of Women. We are valued. 

I feel like we are meant to gather together. We, as women are supposed to come together and be women of God and seek Him out!


Jesus changes the story of EVERY woman he meets! 

In the New Testament, every kind of woman is represented at one point or another...rich, poor, healthy, ill, mother, daughter, married, single, widowed, prostitutes...every kind. 

In all their differences, they had 2 things in common.

1. they met Jesus
2. He changed them...they were never the same again.

This shows us that it is IMPOSSIBLE for me (and YOU) to not qualify to have an encounter with Christ.

Luke 1:45 (NIV)

" Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

Every time you step into Gods word..."Blessed is she who believes"

Acts 1:24 - "Then they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen."

Jesus is the "heart knower"
He knows our hearts... Everything I am feeling, what I'm going through...he already knows...he KNOWS me!

Isaiah 61:1

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
  because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,

We all  go through moments in our lives when we are just hurt, and are broken. It's okay to bound up those wounds and allow yourself to heal...but sometimes to heal your bound-hurt heart, you have remove the bandages, open up your heart to Him and trust Him-allow Him to heal you!

T. had to (unexpectedly) get a shot...as any traumatized three year old would, he put that band aid on and didn't take it off for a week...as a result, because he was so busy protecting his arm and holding onto that hurt, the band aid caused a rash and irritated the skin around the area he got the little prick for his shot. He needed to unbound that "wound" and let it breathe and be healed. Keeping it bound did him more harm.


Jesus Wants Women to Know WHO She IS and What She is NOT.

Our circumstances and hurts do not define us. Just because I am feeling defeated in a situation, doesn't mean I am defeated, or a failure. 
Hold on to the truth of who you are in Christ.

Sometimes a Woman Needs a Clean Sweep to Find What She's Missing.

Luke 15 (Parables of the lost sheep, lost coin, and prodigal son)

Think of something that means a lot to you that you have lost and would like back....
Your virginity? Dignigy? Wishing you were as carefree as you used to be?
Trade your virginity for purity - they are not the same thing. Be pure in heart and soul and faith. 
Trade your Care-free for Courage!
Your dignity is not something someone can take away! your dignity belongs to Christ! 

Or maybe you fall into this category: I'm missing something but I don't know what. With the noise and clutter in life, I can't tell what it is. 

There comes a time when you just have to sweep it away so God can get to you. Sweep and you shall find! 

A Woman's Joy is Not the Same Without Girl Friends to Share It.  Tas Philas! 

Lets look at the story of the Lost Coin (Luke 15: 8-10)
The woman called her GIRL FRIENDS to celebrate with her over her lost coin being found! (vs 9)
The greek words used in this verse for "friends" is Tas Philas...meaning "GIRL FRIENDS"

I lost the back of M.'s earring for the 3rd or  4th time. This time I'd noticed it while we were in her room and I'd just finished vacuuming. Fantastic. This particular earring back protects her head from being poked by the super sharp earring they'd pierced her ears with. I didn't have a replacement for it. I searched everywhere. I even dumped the dustbin from the vacuum to sift through the nastiness I'd just vacuumed up. It wasn't until the next day when (ironically) I was sweeping the floor in the living room getting ready to vacuum that I happened to find it right there among the cheerios and crayons! What are the odds of finding this little tiny earring back? You'd have to see my cluttered dusty floor to really get the picture of what a miracle it was! I jumped for joy! Literally Like a nutball, doing a little dance singing "Praise Jesus I found it!".  I almost called my best friend over it! almost. I wanted to share the joy in finding it! of course I didn't call her because I stopped myself thinking it was too silly to call her over such a simple thing. I missed out on that shared joy! I later told her about this and she still got excited and said "you totally should have called me! I would have danced with you!" 

The point in this is that we are wired...uniquely created!!... to share our joy with our sisters. We need our girlfriends!

In these current technology saturated days with social media, emails and texting, we have so many contacts and so few connections (comrades).  

We are not connecting the dots between our joy deficit  and our friend deficit. there is a direct correlation between joy and friends to share it with! 

Joy is Not complete unless it is shared! 

Philippians 2:2 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.

1 John 1:3-4  We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. 4 We write this to make our[a] joy complete.

2 John 1:12 12 I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete.

Posting our Joy on Facebook and Twitter is not the same as meeting with our friends face to face and sharing our joy. 

So why do we have a hard time doing this? Why do we not come together and share our joy and support each other? 

We are threatened by other women. we are allowing ourselves to fall into this pattern of competing against eachother, comparing ourselves to other women feeding our insecurities...
insecurity pokes a hole in your heart!
STOP COMPETING! STOP COMPARING! JUST STOP. IT. NOW!
hypersensitivity is poisoning our friendships! 
STOP IT!
Christ our savior is BIGGER than any of our insecurities! 

Proverbs 24:17
17 "Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
    when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice,"

We need to fight FOR one another. Together, not against each other. 

Philippians 1:27 -" 27 Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit,[a] striving together as one for the faith of the gospel"


Every Woman is Well Able to Share How Jesus is Changing Her Story

2 Timothy 3:16-17
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

While it is true that we can be saved through His word alone, it doesn't stop there.

For you to be equipped to be a Woman of God, you have to be in His Word and have a relationship with Him.

You are commissioned here and now. Don't wait for that specific moment to come to you to serve. serve now..wherever you are in life. Serve God Now! 
When you encounter Jesus, it doesn't matter who you are, what you've done, where you've been, what you're going through now or what you've gone through in the past. You are woman enough! You are woman enough to be touched by God, be used by God, to serve Him. 
Would you believe God for a miricle? For Him to reach down in you and grab your strongholds? 

Are you a woman of God? Can people see it? 

 RESPOND!
I am not here to just receive, I am here to respond to what He is calling me to do!

Look back Lydia in Acts...The Lord opened her heart to respond! There's a difference between hearing and responding...she responded!

Jeremiah 7:24-
24 But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward.

We can either pay attention - RESPOND- and move forward in our lives, or we can move backward!

What will you do with what God does today?