As I have pursued what I feel is God's calling for the Women's Ministry at church I have been subject to many challenges.
From disappointment when events I've poured myself into fail, or don't meet expectation, to feeling like reaching the women in our congregation is nearly impossible, doubting my own leadership skills and visions for our church ministry. Questioning decisions because "Is this what God wants? or is this something I want? what are my motives?"
After making efforts to find out what the women are looking for, and their availability, then establishing a night for a bible study. taking the leap to set it in motion. committing to a night, time and study, to have little to no response form the women...I am overwhelmed with discouragement. I m guaranteed to have some sort of battle happen all day on the day of any event...yes even bible study nights...every week... The kids act up, we're all emotional for no reason at all, patience doesn't exist in anyone's heart and peace is nowhere near our hearts and home. Adam and I argue over something silly minutes before I walk out the door. Dinner runs late, there's no gas in the car...
If it is not that, it is an unexpected "event" on the way to or from study. I make the wrong turn on my way to pick someone up and end up with 3 mile detour...one week I found myself calling 911 for a man I nearly ran over in the gas station parking lot because he'd been shot and needed help so he walked in front of my car to get my attention...
My computer that holds ALL of my women's ministry work...crashed. Hard drive is fried and all of my work, studies I have invested time and money into, contact lists, surveys...everything. gone.
There are days when I get a glimpse of the budding fruit from these efforts. Seeing God working in tiny ways be it through a conversation, a change of heart, or a breakthrough from a struggle. An encouraging email or phone call saying "you're doing great! I am seeing the difference...don't stop!"
I have no doubt that this is what I should be doing. The battles I face weekly are proof of that. If I wasn't doing Gods work, I wouldn't be having all of these adventures and facing all of these challenges.
I am ready this week for the fight. I am ready to not allow Satan to have a strong hold. Because I am ready, I am going to have to fight harder, because he will try harder to break me.
Even as I type this...my boys are fighting. Peace in my home. Lord give me peace in my home, in my heart, in their hearts.
