Feeling "Normal" and Other Thoughts About Having Babies

Being in the third trimester of my fourth pregnancy...(wow that still sounds insane, even as I type this!) I can't help but think of some of the ladies I have met and gotten to know in the "pregnancy world"'(because you know we are all in it "together". we see another bulging basket ball shaped belly and instantly a special little bond happens and whether it's your first or your fourth, you have a special understanding of each other and the conversational options are endless.) There are a lot of first time mommies right now that are feeling nervous and anxious and quite frankly have a lot of questions they just aren't asking. To those ladies, I hope these thoughts (mainly about labor and delivery and nursing) help. They are my own experiences as well as my own fears (yes even 4th time around I have them) just so you know you are not alone in this. I hope this helps. (of course, you might get half way through it and come out feeling even more anxious than before...but I sincerely hope it helps).

Labor and Delivery is scary, even for the fourth time! There is always this element of the "unknown"...there is not set time or date for going into labor and what it's going to feel like is different for everyone in every pregnancy!  I do encourage you though to educate yourself. It is important to know what to expect, as much as you can anyway, and what your options are, and (in a general sense) how you would ultimately like to have baby.

With Abby, I was (and still am) very much like, "just get her out, as long as we're both safe and okay, I am open to whatever"  And that's what we did! I signed any paperwork/ answered whatever questions I needed to ahead of time for the epidural, just in case, (my goal was to go without any drugs etc, but not knowing what it all felt like, or what I would be able to handle, I was open to the drugs too). I prayed almost my whole pregnancy that my water would break, so that there would be no doubt that it "was time". Praise God for answered prayer because it did break, but my body didn't go into labor (meaning no contractions started, or what did start wasn't strong enough to really get things going within the 24 hour time limit they give you when your water breaks before they induce) so I had a "pitocin birth"  and usually when you are induced with pitocin, you end up with an epidural because your body is being forced into labor when it's not technically ready and it tends to be more painful, now having both drugged and not drugged, I can say that both hurt like a bitch, so really it's just whatever you can handle and don't feel guilty one way or the other. I was thrilled that Abby (and Max) were drugged up births. I was able to focus and enjoy it a little more having not felt anything from the bellybutton down, I could see more of what was happening and some of the other after birth "stuff" wasn't felt at all...which was great!

Max's  birth, I was much more educated, I had a doula (which I highly recommend) and while the physical process was identical to Abby's birth (water breaking and despite our best efforts to start labor naturally, my body still didn't cooperate) I had another pitocin birth. having gone through that before, I was a little more relaxed going in to it, because I knew more of what to expect. again, my goal was no epi. but that's when I learned about what everyone meant about pitocin births being more painful...as well as that no matter what you plan ahead of time, it may just not go the way your hope and dream it will. Having the doula was amazing. They are educated coaches that are able to help you make the decisions you need, focus, and encouraging you to stick with your birth "plan", and can also communicate to the nurses what you need. If/when your labor "plan" changes for any reason, they are ready to help you adjust and really, it just takes a lot of pressure off of both you and hubby!

If I learned something from my third pregnancy, it's that the phrase "the third birth will throw you for a loop!" is incredibly TRUE! Believe it ladies!!! I didn't until I had Mr T. Titus' was thrilling because it was so empowering! I felt EVERYTHING and was able to work through it. It was amazing in a completely different way! Amazing and terrifying (just being honest here).  I had these crazy fears coming up to the end of my pregnancy with him..."what if my water breaks in public?" "what if labor comes on fast and furious and I can't get to the hospital? what do I do with the other two kids?" All kinds of thoughts like that ran through my head. It was all "worst case scenario"...and wouldn't you know it, almost all of those fears came to life the morning I woke up in labor that hit me too fast to make it to the hospital and I ended up having my sweet boy on the living room floor assisted by the local fire department! Thank the Lord, Adam was there to help me. I fully believe that was a lesson from God in Philippians 4:6-7 " Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  I faced a lot of my fears with that labor and delivery and learned that with God, all things are possible, and He gave me the strength and peace to get through that terrifying moment. Once I wrapped my head around the fact that a hospital birth was NOT an option with this kid, I focused, and had him out within a couple of minutes of pushing. It was amazing.

Now, with number 4,  I'm feeling more like I did with Abby. Just get her out. safe. preferably at the hospital. :) I feel like anything could happen, and from what I've experienced with the first three, I am ready to take on whatever is thrown at me. I'm still educated, I still have the "ideal plan" in mind, but I also am prepared to throw that "ideal plan" out the window if I need to and do what comes naturally and have this baby! Some of my concerns now revolve more around my other kids than they do with the labor and delivery..."how do we handle child care with Abby being in school now and our sitters living in another town?" "who do we call when I go into labor (under whatever circumstance) to take the kids?" "how will my snuggle bug Titus handle having to share Mommy with a new born?" The list is almost endless. I am choosing however to "Philippians 4:6" it so God can carry some of those burdens and I can just focus on carrying a healthy baby girl.

As for Nursing, It was a challenge in the beginning, because neither of you really know what your doing, and that in itself is overwhelming. You're learning (together) how it all works, and it's a vital task. you are feeding your baby, this is your baby's life source! FOOOOD!  again, being a little bit educated is key. If you have access to a friend or someone who is a lactation consultant, keep their number on speed dial. I know several ladies that are in that field that I can call any time. and do, even with baby number 4. Shoot, I call them and pick their brains when I'm NOT nursing, just any time a question comes up and curiosity hits me. Nursing is a fascinating thing and the more I can learn about it and understand it, the easier it is when I am in the midst of nursing adventures. Don't feel like you can't call, even if it is overwhelming, or you feel it is silly or embarrassing. I'm going to share a very personal thing with you now...but it's significant...so bare with me...I have a really big ugly mole on my breast, I was so concerned about someone seeing it, that I didn't ask for help with nursing Abby...as a result, I was left to do it on my own, and while looking back, I laugh at myself and the hysterics I went through learning what to do, (especially when my milk really came in, which ended in both of us half naked, soaked and crying...a hilarious tale for another time) I remember at the time how frustrated I was and can't help but think, had I just gotten over that stupid insecurity over a mole, I could have gotten some really good help from the nurses and lactation people at the hospital and possibly have skipped all those hysterical moments. I eventually figured it out and we did just fine, but the point is, don't let the little things keep you from asking. don't feel embarrassed, or uncomfortable. they are there to help, and frankly, they've seen and heard it all. :) If you do have trouble, there could be a reason. All of my kids are tongue tied...that can interfere with nursing! not getting them latched on correctly can effect it... it's tricky, but given some patience and effort, you'll be fine.

 While it is true some women just can't do it, for whatever reason, there are a lot of resources and things you can do to help make it happen, and it's only when you ask about it or seek help, that you will find those tricks and things to help.Having learned my lesson from the first baby, I made a point to really ask lots of questions and seek help when I needed it with Max. You'd be amazed at the resources the hospital has available to you. As a result, we had a much better nursing experience too.

All of that being said, if it doesn't work out, and you just don't feel like it's happening. that is OKAY! I only nursed Abby for 3 months. I went back to work, and try as I might, I couldn't keep up with her demands with a pump. My body just doesn't respond to pumping, so we ended up switching to formula. fortunately for the rest of the brood, I stopped working and was (am) able to bf because I am with them 24-7. I do not regret any of it either. we did what was best for all of us at the time. I am not one of those women who boycott Nestle because they make formula. I think it is amazing that we have come up with a good alternative solution to feeding our babies. There are people in the world that just can't do it, and if they can't, what are they left with?? Yes. Breast is best and my first choice always, but if breast is not an option, thank God we have people who work hard to make something that is the next best thing, and have our babies health and well being at the top of their list! (sorry...I'll get off my soapbox now)
As for the million other parenting roads you could possibly go down, co-sleeping vs independent sleeping, helicopter parenting vs free range, attachment parenting vs baby wise... what I've learned in my very short experience of being a mom, is that the books are great, chatting with friends is awesome, and the best resource for opinions/perspective, but what you decide to do with your children, your parenting life-style is going to be unique to your own family. What works for your friends, or according to the experts in books, or according to your mother (or mother in law) may not fully work for you and your family. Don't feel guilty or question your instincts with making family decisions and  Don't pass judgement on others family choices either...for the same reason. I have lots of mommy friends that I love and respect that do thing vastly different than we do in our family, and while I may not agree with their parenting choices, I respect their decisions because they are doing what is right for their family. 

That's about it for my "wisdom". I hope it makes sense and above all, I  hope your feel more at ease about this new adventurous chapter in your life.

until then, I am going to waddle my happy preggy self into the kitchen for something to munch on, because goodness knows these cravings have no end to them :)

Spiritual Battles and Spiders

I have recently really felt the push toward women's ministry lately. We don't have one yet in our church, but my dear friend Sarah and I have felt lead to persue making it happen.

In this small task we have been given, planning a Womens Retreat in a few short weeks, the idea of Martha and Mary keeps coming up. It's not the core topic of our weekend get away, but just part of it. Anyway, I decided to pick up the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" and thought it might be interesting and a helpful resource in some of our planning process.
It has proven to be a pretty good book so far. I am still only a few chapters into it, but I had an experience happen last week that I feel is totally worth sharing.

So I'm reading in this book about how distractions can really get in the way of our focus on God, and what He wants us to do. It goes on to describe a short story about a priest who has an extremely successful ministry happening at his church, and everything is on the straight and narrow...doing everything according to God's purpose. So Satan sends his demons to destroy this ministry. They try evertyhing they know to do this, but the priest's faith is strong and they fail. They report back to Satan that they've tried everything they know but still failed "his faith is too strong"...Satan replies with "you fools. go back and whisper in his ear the news of his brothers promotion..." They do so, and wouldn't you know it, the scheme worked. The priest started doubting himself, and feelings of jealousy over his brothers accomplishment distracted him to a point that the ministry fizzled. Satan knows exactly what buttons to push, what whispers to tell that would cut to the core of our weaknesses  causing us to feel distracted, doubtful, and eventually undoing all that we've worked so hard for.
Immediately after reading this little snippit, I continue with my day. This particular day, the kids were particularly whiny. It took me over an hour to read two or three pages out of this book, because of the interruptions, fighting, screaming, arguing...I was feeling extremely tested to say the least. With this concept of "Satan working hard to distract us when we're on the right path" in mind, I gave my morning over to God, and allowed Him to provide me the patience and loving attitude I needed to get through these tested moments with the kids. Abby screaming at me angrily because she didn't have any clean dresses to wear, the boys hitting and pestering each other, everyone ignoring everything coming out of my mouth, you know the normal chaotic stuff. I handled it with grace, patience and an overwhelmingly calm, loving attitude. I caught myself in that state and thanked God for helping me. I was feeling very good about it all. Then Satan found his way in.
I have an irrational fear of spiders. It sounds so ridiculous for me to completely lose my cool and allow my whole day to come crashing down on me over a spider the size of a quarter, but alas, that was his way in. I had finally gotten everyone dressed and at the door putting shoes on, when I came face to face with this little day wrecker. After almost having a heart attack, then getting the kids to finally listen to to quick command of "get up to the livingroom now! it's an emergency!" I had completely lost my mind. I started crying, shaking, the kids were like "what is wrong with you? do we need to call 9-1-1?" (they associate "emergency" with calling the fire fighters....) I sobbed..."I just need to be brave. I just need to be brave"  I never did find that bravery. I ended up calling Adam home to find and kill the spider. Which didn't happen. He came home, but by the time he'd gotten here, the spider had disappeared (which is why you never take your eyes off a spider) and after a good 10 minutes or more of looking, and not seeing it, we gave up. Now on any other day, I would have just said "forget it" and stayed home rather than running whatever errand, and completetly quarantined that area of the house, avoiding it at all costs, but that day I really did have to go to the store.
As a result of this distraction, I didn't do half the work I planned/needed to (laundry, picking up the basement, cleaning the entryway..etc), Adam missed an hour of work and my confidence in my self and how God was working in me, was completely diminished. I was a failure, a coward, and totally ridiculous for being that way over a stupid bug.
It is really cool (now looking back) to see how much truth was in what I'd read that morning. I have come out of this whole situation (after a few days to recover and get my act back together) feeling even more confident in the direction I'm headed with the womens ministry, and in my daily walk.
I had even had a dream that involved serious spiritual warfare, and my thoughts again were "Satan will NOT distract me again" I am standing firm in the Lord and am even more determined to not let these distractions get the best of me again.

I going to try to add some extra prayer time in my day, to keep me sharp and ready to take on any other attacks that come my way.

I just got served by my 5 year old.

So we were outside playing, and the timer goes off to come in for naps (yes this timer thing totally works with my kids, saves us from many tantrums).
I ask Abby and Max to help me put the bikes and scooters away, and with little grumbles about having to go in for stupid naps, they do obey.
I grab a handful of toys and follow them to the back porch. I plop them down and tell them
"I will bring the toys back here, and you guys put them on the porch"  Max gets to work without a word, and I turn away and from the corner of my eye Abby's shoulders slumping, head tilting back and a big eye roll happening, she says "We're not your  slaves you know..."

I'd say this took me by total surprise, except she's said this once before to Adam. He handled the situation explaining that it was disrespectful to talk to us that way and we are a family, and we are helping each other out...not raising slaves. After that hearty talk, I'd figured this whole "slave" thing had ended.

I take a deep breath and as I am picking up the last of the toys to take back to her, I think hard about what to say. My first thought is "where did she learn this from?" So I asked her, and this is the (very unexpected) response I got :

Me : "Where did you learn about slaves?"

Abby: *Shrugs*

Me: "Well you had to learn it somewhere." (thinking 'what show do I need to ban her from for a while?') "What does it mean to be a slave?"

Abby: "Someone who does all the hard work"

Me: "okay, but really, you had to learn that from someone or something, because Daddy and I haven't talked to you about slaves..."

Abby: (after a minute of brain storming) "The bible"

Me: (okaaay...yeah right) "The Bible? Where in the bible? Can you show me?"

Abby: *sighs* and grabbing her bible, "You know. Where the king of Egypt...what's his name again?"

Me: "Pharo"

Abby: "Right, Pharo, well he stole all the Israelites and made them do all that hard work..you know made them slaves" and she turns to the story of Moses...

At that point, I didn't know what to say. BIG props for knowing your bible stories kiddo! and....HEY! I don't treat you that way! Who do you think you are using that knowledge to sass me?....oy.

We talked about (reiterating what Daddy said) being family and helping each other out. And when I ask her to do something, I am not treating her like a slave, I am asking her to be a helper, and when she talks that way, and talks back like that, it is very disrespectful.  It was a tough conversation on my part, because frankly, I felt like I got served a little bit, but I think the end result was good.

She's so smart, and figuring out how to apply what she's learning...it's just amazing. And by the way, that is a story that she's read all on her own. We haven't read it (in a very long time) together and it is not a story they have been covering in church currently or recently...So yes, she put all of this together on her own.

I feel totally blessed to have such a smart girl and one that reads her bible on her own like that, seeking knowledge in the Word. While my heart is overflowing with love (and lets face it...pride) for my little smarty butt girl, I am also learning, as a parent, of those opportunities that require me to step up and show her some guidance in her soaking up these stories like the little sponge she is. I am reminded that it's still my job to teach her when and where it is apporpriate to apply what she's learning, and about still being kind and respectful in her words and actions toward her loved ones.

Today's little encounter was certainly a lesson packed one all around.

Coming September 2013: Baby Moreland #4

So I think we have figured out how it happens. It has something to do with going to Arizona for sure!
Here's the pattern:
Conceived Abby in AZ before moving out here. We visited just before she turned one,
Within a month of coming home from our visit, we conceived Max.
We visited just before Max turned one
Within weeks of coming home, conceived Titus.
We visited when Ti was a year and half, conceived while we were out there....
I'm pretty sure it's AZ. Because it couldn't possibly be the "other" stuff we do ;o)